My Kids Are In Their 20s, And They Still Live With Me. I Don't Charge Rent Or Urge Them To Move Out.

Lori Meo's adult kids still live with her and her husband.

Courtesy of Lori Meo

• Lori Meo is a 56-year-old mom of young adult children in Rhode Island.
• Her children still live in the family home, and she does not charge them rent.
• Since her kids turned 18, they could have boyfriends and girlfriends sleep over.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Lori Meo. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I was raised in a super liberal, open home, but my husband was raised in a much more conservative, traditional family. He and his siblings felt they had to conform to their parents' expectations, and it didn't serve any of them. I always felt I would never raise my kids that way. The choices we've made in parenting were, in part, a reaction to the type of childhood my husband had.

Now that my children are adults, we have made three parenting choices that might be controversial.

We haven't made them leave the house

When both of my children turned 18, I didn't want them to feel like I was pushing them out the door. I've always had the mentality that I don't care when they leave or if they never leave. Some people tell their kids that when they turn 18, they need to find a place to live and make their own lives. That seems crazy to me.

Neither of my kids has ever left home. My rule was that they would either have to work or go to school. I would never allow them to stay home all day playing video games. They started working full-time as soon as they left high school, so I was happy for them to live at home.

What's the rush to get them out? The economy is terrible, and we get along great.

Three years ago, we moved to a bigger house on a farm because we didn't want the kids to feel they needed to quickly move out.

We live as a group of adults in the house now. My mom also lives with us. Every night, we have a family dinner together, which also functions as a family meeting where we discuss what is happening in our lives and get feedback on decisions that need to be made.

Courtesy of Lori Meo

I don't treat them like children by giving them unsolicited advice.

We'll all let each other know if we're going out and when we'll be back, but I don't monitor them. It's just living as adults with mutual respect.

I don't make them pay rent

When my first child turned 18, I told my husband I didn't think we should make him pay rent.

We briefly discussed whether we would make him pay rent and then give it back. But when he was first working, making so little money, we struggled to think of a reasonable amount we'd charge.

It would have been a different conversation if we needed the money from rent, but as we could cover everything, my husband and I were happy with the decision not to charge rent.

While the kids don't pay the mortgage, food bills, or house bills, we did have a discussion and arrived at the conclusion that they would pay for their portion of car insurance and phone bills on our family plan and save a portion of their income.

I don't want to demand anything from them, but they are considerate people and find their own ways to contribute to the household.

Because we openly communicate with each other, I know that both children are saving part of their salaries, but I don't demand to see their accounts. If they aren't saving at the rate I think it appropriate — that's on them. It's going to cost them in the long run.

We talk a lot about money at our house — they aren't shielded from the realities of the real world. They're well-educated about finances. My son has actually already been pre-approved for a mortgage and hopes to buy a house in the next couple of years.

They can bring girlfriends and boyfriends to stay overnight

When my son was 18, he started dating a girl who lived 45 minutes away from us. They would drive back and forth between houses in the early morning hours, sometimes on snowy nights. My son finally said he was just going to have his girlfriend stay overnight.

I can't say my husband and I were immediately thrilled. We talked about if we'd be OK with it. We arrived at the conclusion that it made sense to let his girlfriend stay over — they were adults.

We went on to maintain this decision. Since they both turned 18, they can have their boyfriend or girlfriend stay over whenever they want as long as it is a long-term committed relationship. This is their home, too.

Some people have asked how I know if it's a long-term relationship. While I can't know for sure, my kids know I don't want them having a date here and there staying over. They know that wouldn't fly.

I think this means they don't feel pressured to get an apartment while testing out a relationship. I hope that when they build a life with someone, it will be for the right reasons — not because they needed to get an apartment to get out of the house.