The Church Faq

A few years ago, we bought a church building. Since then, every time I mention it online and/or on social media, someone always responds, “wait, you bought a church, what” and then asks some standard questions. At this point it makes good sense to offer up a Church FAQ to answer some of those most common questions. Let’s begin!

Wait, you bought a church, what?

Indeed, we bought a church.

Where?

In our town of Bradford, Ohio.

What denomination used to be there?

It’s the former home of Bradford’s Methodist congregation. The church building itself dates back to at least 1919 (that being the year of a calendar we have that features a picture of the building). There was a congregation there until at least 2016. So they got about 100 years of use out of the building.

Why did they stop using it?

The congregation shrank over time, a not uncommon occurrence for mainline protestant churches these days. As I understand it the congregation merged with another congregation down the road, which has services at a different church building. I believe the West Ohio Conference of the Methodist Church (which previously owned the building) may have rented the building for a bit after the congregation left, but when we acquired the building it was not being used, which is probably why the Methodists decided to sell it.

So do you live there?

No, we have an actual house to live in. I know old churches are frequently turned into funky residences, but reconfiguring a church to be an actual livable space on a daily basis takes a lot of effort. Our house is designed to be a residence for humans; we prefer to live in that house.

Are you going to use the building as a church and/or start a cult?

No and no. None of the Scalzis are particularly religious, especially in an organized fashion, and despite the actions of certain science fiction authors in the past offering precedent, I have no desire to start a cult. It seems like a lot of work and my ego does not run in the direction of needing acolytes.

Coffee shop and/or bookstore and/or brewpub and/or some other retail business?

I have worked hard all my life not to work in retail and don’t intend to start now, thank you.

Then why did you buy it?

Because we wanted office space. For a number of years Krissy and I talked about starting a company to develop creative projects that were not my novels, and also to handle the licensing and merchandising of the properties that I already had that were not already under option. That company would eventually become Scalzi Enterprises. Although I write my novels at home, we wanted to have office space elsewhere.

Why?

Because if we eventually hired other people to help us, we wanted them to have some place to work that was not our actual house. And in a general sense it would be useful to have extra space; our house is already full with a quarter-century of us living in it.

Why not get actual office space rather than a church building?

We tried, but we live in a small town without a lot of commercial real estate. We looked at a couple of buildings in town that went up for sale, but weren’t happy with their state of repair. We didn’t want to look outside of Bradford because then there would be a commute. We wanted something within a couple of miles of our house. Eventually it looked like to get what we wanted, we would have to buy a plot of land and then build on it. I went online to look at real estate websites to see what land was available, and as it happens a couple of hours prior, the Methodists put the church building up for sale. We saw the listing, made an appointment to see it that afternoon, and put in an offer when we got home from the viewing. We closed on the building in December of 2021.

What made you offer on the building?

It had everything we wanted — ample space for offices and an excellent location — and above and beyond what we already knew we wanted, when we viewed the space we saw that it offered other opportunities as well. I always wanted an extensive library, for example, and the building had a balcony area which would be perfect for one of those. The basement area would be perfect for having gatherings, and the sanctuary area was, of course, a natural place for concerts or readings or whatever else we might want to do there. And then there was the price.

How much was it?

$75,000.

WHAT

One of my favorite things to do is show the building to people who live on the coasts, ask them how much they think it cost, and watch them get angry every time I tell them to go lower. But more seriously, we knew that we wouldn’t find a better building anywhere close to us at anywhere near that price. It made absolute economic sense to get the building.

Usually when you get a building like this for that amount of money, it’s on the verge of falling down. Was it?

Thankfully, no. Krissy’s former job was as a insurance claims adjuster; she has certificates attesting to her ability to evaluate the soundness of structures. When we had our visit to the property, she literally climbed through the walls to see for herself what shape the building was in. Her determination: The building would need significant renovation, but fundamentally it was sound. We would need to put in money, but if the renovations were done right it wouldn’t be a money pit.

What renovations did you do?

A whole new roof, to start; now the building has a 50-year roof, which means it will almost certainly outlive me. The electricity was knob and tube and had to be redone. There was an outside retaining wall that had to be torn out and redone. The aforementioned balcony was actually not safe to be on; it was cantilevered out into space with no support and had a shin-high barrier that wouldn’t stop anyone from going over the side. That was fixed, and new floors and custom bookcases by a local artisan built in so I could have my library. The basement floor was redone; the kitchen space down there gutted and remodeled. We pulled up high-traffic industrial carpet glued to the sanctuary floor and reconditioned the hardwood floors underneath. New HVAC, and improved drainage for the maintenance room. The office and Sunday school room in the basement was turned into a guest suite. The structure was sealed against moisture and the walls were all replastered and repainted.

And so on. None of that was cheap, nor was it done quickly; the renovations took two years. Both the time and cost were affected by the work being done during the pandemic, but no matter what it would have been a laborious and expensive process. It was worth it.

Did you do any of that work yourself?

Oh, hell no; I’m not competent to do anything but sign checks. We had contractors do everything, and Krissy, who had 20 years of dealing with contractors in her previous job, managed the renovation on our end. She terrified them.

Are the renovations complete?

The major ones, yes. There are a few things to do but they are second order tasks. I want to recondition the old pastor’s study, get the organ functional again, and we want to make the sanctuary level more easily accessible via ramps and such. But all of that can be dealt with over time. At this point, most of what we wanted and needed to do is done, and we are able to use the building how we intended.

What did the people of Bradford think about you buying the church?

By and large the response was positive. We’ve lived in town since 2001 so we weren’t an unknown quantity; everyone here knows us. There was some concern that someone might buy the church for the land underneath it, tear it down and then put up, like, a check-cashing store or a vape shop. So when we bought it and stated our intention to renovate and maintain the building, there was some measure of communal relief. When the renovations were done we held an open house for the community so they could see what we’d done with the place. Most people seemed happy with it.

Likewise, we have the intent of keeping the space a part of the community, and not just as our office space. From time to time we plan to have events there (concerts, readings) that will be free and open to the town, sponsored by the Scalzi Family Foundation (yes, we have a foundation; it’s easier to do a lot of charitable things that way). The building will still be part of the civic life of Bradford.

Does this mean you are going to make the building available for event rentals?

Probably not. It’s one thing to offer private events, funded by our foundation, that are open to the townsfolk. It’s another thing to offer the space up as a commercial venue. One, that’s a lot more work for us, and two, we would have to make sure the building was up to code as rental space, which would entail more renovations and cost. We occasionally get inquiries and we’ve politely turned them down and are likely to continue to. There are other event spaces in town, from the community center to the local winery, and we encourage people to give them their money.

But you have used it for gatherings, yes?

Sure. My wife threw me a surprise party there for this blog’s 25th anniversary, and when we held an eclipse party in 2024, we had the pre- and post- parties at the church. The last couple of family reunions have been held at the church, and we hold Thanksgiving and Christmas parties there as well. Having a gathering at the church is much less stressful than having it at our house. People aren’t in our personal space, the pets don’t freak out, and people with allergies to cats and dogs don’t have to worry about sneezing. It works out great. Also, when people come to visit, they have the option of staying in the guest suite at the church instead of our more crowded (and cat hair-laden) guest room. So that’s a plus too.

You said something about getting the organ functional again. Do you have, like, a pipe organ?

We do, sort of. The pipes are there, but the organ hasn’t been attached to it for years, possibly decades. The organ itself (which played through a speaker) is also not functioning, and I need to get in touch with someone to repair it. Actually reattaching it to the pipes and making the whole thing work again would be an extremely expensive endeavor and would probably cost as much — if not more — than it cost us to buy the church. Pipe organs are an expensive hobby, basically. I’m not sure I’m ready to commit to that.

Does the church have a bell? And do you ring it?

It does have a bell, and we ring only very occasionally. We don’t want to annoy the neighbors.

Is the church haunted?

We have been told by former parishioners that it is, but I have not met the local ghosts yet. Perhaps they are waiting to see if I am worthy.

Isn’t it a little… quirky to own a church?

I mean, yes. I’ve noted before that now I’ve become a bit of a cliche, that cliche being the eccentric writer who owns a folly. Some own theaters and railways, some own Masonic temples, some own islands. I own a church. In my defense, I had a functional reason to own it, noted above, and I didn’t spend a genuinely silly amount of money for it, also noted above. As a folly, it is both practical and affordable.

What do you call the church now?

Not “Church of the Scalzi,” which is actually the name of a church in Venice, Italy. Its formal name now is “The Old Church.” But for day-to-day use we just say “the church.”

Hey, have you ever heard of that song, “Alice’s Restaurant”?

Yes, I have, and everyone thinks they are being terribly clever when they reference it to me. After the first thousand times it wears a smidge thin.

Is it true that your six-necked guitar now resides at the church?

It is true: The Beast, as it is called, and was called long before I owned it, currently resides on the altar. It surprises people every time they see it.

Are you sure you’re not starting a cult?

I’m sure. Besides, who would want to worship me? Krissy, maybe. Me, nah.

And that’s it for now. If there are more questions I think need to be in the FAQ, I’ll add them as I go along.

— JS