Throwing The Same Christmas Party For 20 Years Has Taught Me 4 Things About Being A Host

hThe author and her husband have hosted the same holiday party for 20 years.

Courtesy of the author

• In 2005, my husband and I decided to throw a white elephant party.
• We've kept the tradition and are celebrating our 20th white elephant party this year.
• I think planning ahead is the one big secret to hosting a party.

In December 2005, the second Christmas my husband and I were married, we thought it'd be fun to have a few friends over for a white elephant party. The idea was a classic one, and the ambiance was as simple as you'd expect for a pair of 22-year-old newlywed hosts.

About a dozen of our friends gathered at our condo for an exchange of ridiculous presents, a pan of boxed-mix brownies, and a few two liters of soda (complete with requisite red Solo cups).

We all ended up laughing so hard over gifts that the next year, we decided to do it again, and then again, and then again. This December marks our 20^th white elephant party.

We gather with 50 people

What began as a handful of new college grads "adulting" has evolved into a 50-person dinner event people tell us they look forward to all year long. Though we've classed things up with a fancy menu and a bigger, more tastefully decorated house, our gifting rule remains the same: bring the worst, funniest gift you can find. I've had this year's gift picked out for months, and no I'm not telling what it is.

Putting on such a large holiday gathering for two decades has taught me a few things about gracious hosting. My goal every year is to create a white elephant party that's fun and memorable — but doesn't take over my entire December. Though I still get a bit tense on the day of the event, I always end the evening feeling like my emotional cup is full. Here are some of my top tips for lower-stress holiday entertaining.

I always plan ahead

It's a dead horse to beat, but I'm convinced planning ahead is the key to successful entertaining. If you want to host a party during the holiday season, set a date early and let invitees know. I mail paper invitations sometime in mid-November for a mid-to-late December party.

Planning is also critical for details like food and party activities. Outline a menu a few weeks in advance or pin down a caterer who'll do it for you. Then, use the weeks leading up to a party to make and freeze food or give potluck assignments. I also feel some kind of planned activity always enhances a party. Eating and chit-chatting are all well and good, but group games or giving silly gifts make an event truly distinctive.

I don't try to do it all myself

I'm a nutritionist and, admittedly, a bit of a perfectionist. In other words, it's tough for me to hand over the cooking reins to others. But I find I'm far less stressed when I don't do it all myself. My secret to feeding 50 people is a combination of homemade and purchased items. I'll snag a catered tray of Middle Eastern or Italian fare from a local restaurant, then supplement it with complementary homemade sides and desserts.

I love mixing groups of friends

Worried that folks won't get along because of their politics or personalities? That's OK. Your friends are grown-ups. Trust them to be civil to each other. And this year in particular, don't be afraid to make a statement at the start of a party to the effect of "no politics tonight."

I've personally witnessed that bringing different types together in a social setting often helps people humanize those "on the other side." Friends from different corners of my life have become real friends due to our annual white elephant. Make your home a space for people to come together to have fun despite their differences. Everyone will be better for it.

I enjoy what I've created

My favorite thing about our 20 years of white elephant parties isn't the decadent cheesecake I always make or even the hilarious-to-the-point-of-legend gifts.

It's knowing that my husband and I have created memories of fun and friendship for the ones we love. Our party is the Christmas gift I give to our friends every year.

It delights me every bit as much as I hope it delights them. In your own holiday entertaining, take a moment to appreciate the beauty of bringing people together to celebrate the season. I promise it's worth it.