Some people spend their entire lives dreaming about starting a family. I had a friend in high school who already had a list of baby names saved on her phone and who would scroll through nursery inspiration on Pinterest in her free time. And being a parent can be a beautiful thing! Plus, if you’re going to bring kids into the world, you better be excited about it.

But having children definitely isn’t for everyone, and if it’s not for you, it’s important to figure that out. Middle-aged adults who never started families have recently been opening up on Reddit about what it’s like to be childfree, so we’ve gathered some of their most thoughtful responses below. Enjoy reading through, whether you love your kids more than anything else in the world or you always knew that being a parent wasn’t for you, and be sure to upvote the replies that you find most insightful.

#1

So thankful. I would have been a terrible mother, but I’m an amazing aunt.

Image credits: RENOYES

#2

Awesome. One of the best decisions of my entire life .

Image credits: Personal_Neck5249

#3

Definitely no regrets. Having kids is something I never even considered.

Image credits: MudLivid6020

#4

I definitely think it was the right choice for me. Gotta be honest with myself I am a little lazy and selfish and while I think I might have been a decent dad I don't think I would have been a happy one.

Image credits: Runktar

#5

Kinda depressing, I want to be a Dad but I rather let my broken brain diseases die off with me.

Image credits: ShriekingMuppet

#6

I never wanted kids. It was worst nightmare to have them. I did everything I could to avoid them, and I'm very happy to have done so. Now I just need my work to respect my off time and my life will be perfect. I have more spending power than everyone I know, and I can do whatever I like, and whenever I want. You could not pay me enough to have made the other choice.

Image credits: SamURLJackson

#7

I'm very glad to have been a part of the lives of my brother's kids but I would have been a terrible parent myself, so it's all good.

Image credits: formiscontent

#8

I can't even take care of myself, let alone have to take care of another living person. So I just do what I want with my life and have a great time doing it. It's pretty awesome.

Image credits: DickieJohnson

#9

I wanted to have kids but I couldn't, so sometimes I'm a bit sad seeing friends and colleagues having children. But it's nothing I can change so I'm usualy not thinking much about it. And sometimes I'm also a bit glad I don't have kids seeing how the world goes to s**t and no one seems to care to make the neccessary changes so that their children or grandchildren will still have a liveable world.

Image credits: DocSternau

#10

Hard. I feel like I missed out on the best parts of adulthood… first steps, taking my kid to school, coaching little league, school plays, dinner table conversations, family vacations, helping them when they are hurt, Santa Claus, seeing them grow, arguments and apologies, grandchildren… it just never materialized for me. It’s like i wasn’t worthy of that gift… of even finding a wife to build a family.

Sucks hard many days. I can put on a brave face, but deep down it’s crushing.

M, 48, one sister, who also has no kids.

Image credits: Fuzzy-Zombie1446

#11

After numerous miscarriages, we were in our 40s, with no children. We would both do anything to have had children. If we had a kid now, I'd be 68 when they graduated from high school.

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#12

Scary. I maybe have a couple of fertile years left but my partner doesn’t really want kids. I won’t know how I feel about it until it’s too late. I don’t feel ready yet I can’t imagine growing old with never having children. I wish I had more time.

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#13

Pretty great.

My wife turned out to be a narcissistic abuser so I divorced her.
1. No kids that would've suffered from her behavior
2. No kids that would've suffered through the divorce


I'm more than happy to be the silly, fun uncle to my brother's kids.

Image credits: Marcysdad

#14

For a while, I was a fence-sitter. It wasn’t until 30 that I realized it was even a *choice* and not an inevitability. In U.S. culture, marriage and children are a common life script. It took time for me to acknowledge that that script isn’t a good fit for me, and it didn’t solidify until my late 30s.

For a while it was money and security, as well as environmental concerns and overpopulation. But it was also simply a lack of real desire to be a parent.

I’ve often wished we could live multiple lives so that we can try all the things, but in this life I don’t really want children. That was hard for me to grapple with in some ways because I was blessed with great parents and my mother was a fantastically caring role model. But, my biggest reason for thinking about parenthood was fear of regret. That’s not enough.

Parents should really *want* their children. This is a whole other human being you’re bringing into this world. They deserve to be wanted and loved and properly cared for. You’re responsible for them, and it might not turn out roses. Parental anxiety doesn’t magically dissipate after 18 years, either. For the rest of your life, you are a parent.

There are also a lot of physical things that can go wrong with pregnancy, especially the pregnant person—which are not talked about enough. Our society holds a very rose-colored glasses view of pregnancy as glowing and natural. It really messes with people’s bodies, not to mention post-partum mental health.

A lot of folks will argue that not having children is selfish. This is puzzling, because those same folks will say in the next breath that having children ensures you won’t die lonely. If you *need* to be a parent because that feels like your destiny and you are full of love, that’s one thing, but if you’re having children to safeguard your own future… now THAT is selfish. Not to mention the resources impact on the planet, etc etc.

If you are unhappy, parenthood won’t fix it.
If you are lonely, parenthood won’t fix it.
If you’re following a life script in a daze, trying to check all the right boxes, take a moment to examine your reasons.
If you want to be a parent, that’s great. Best of love and luck.

It’s possible to live a comfortable life full of love, while doing what you want, while taking time to give back to your community, while staying open and curious and generally living a good life, without adding parenthood into the mix.

#15

I wanted children. But my uterus decided that ejecting them would be a better idea. I sometimes grieve the idea of being a parent. Then I snap back to reality when the reality of my life makes me not fit to be a parent. I am on the disability pension for MS, I am legally blind and cannot drive and have to depend on others to do things for me. I could not provide what I feel is a fulfilling life for a child.

I get to sleep in, I get to love my cats and be the weird aunt to my niblings instead. It is what it is and I am at peace with it.

Image credits: Festygrrl

#16

Lonely.

Image credits: Innoculous_Lox66

#17

Not by choice, so pretty devastated.

Image credits: FairCommon3861

#18

I never once had the tingling feeling of wanting to become a parent. I simply don’t have that want/desire/responsibility to raise a child, especially in this timeline we’re living in.

Then I met my wife - who thinks the exact same way.

We both love traveling, backpacking, camping, etc. It’s freeing knowing we can get up in a split second and go.

Image credits: BurlHimself

#19

The freedom!

The sweet, sweet freedom to do what I want (or not do) when I want!

Image credits: Thin-Annual4373

#20

F*****g awesome! My life is amazing. Fixed at 26, I'm now 46.

Image credits: Designer-Bid-3155

#21

On the one hand, I seriously envy my friends who have two lovely sons who are now in high school.

On the other hand, I’m glad that I’m not my sister and Brother-in-law who have two spawns of Satan who are 4 and 6.

Edit: who would have thought that my top comment ever would be calling my nephews "spawns of satan." They're absolutely a high energy handful, and frustrating to deal with right now, but they are good kids, and I love 'em to bits. I just moderate my time with them to save my sanity.

Image credits: millijuna

#22

It’s weird bc all your child-having friends (which is most everyone) are completely consumed by their kids so you don’t relate as well with others.

But also it’s great bc I have extra money and I can spend it on whatever the f*** I please. Oh and I have extra time to do whatever I please.
But sometimes I want to do something with my best friend but she can’t bc of her kid so…
There’s positives and negatives.

#23

Can’t believe there are people claiming child-free people don’t care for the state of the only planet we call home. OF COURSE we care. We have nephews, nieces and family that will have kids that we care about deeply. I wasn’t even going to comment because I’m only 34 without kids but you weirdos with your assumptions can be annoying.

Not having kids is amazing for some and sad for others.

#24

As someone who has wanted to have children but has fertility issues, it’s been soul crushing. Yeah I have freedom, but the only thing worse than being disappointed myself is watching my wife struggle. Having and raising kids is all she’s ever wanted and I have been unable to give her that.

Hoping to adopt but it’s an incredibly lonely and vulnerable experience, especially if you aren’t willing to go through a religious agency.

#25

Having seen my brother and his two small children today... absolutely fine and dandy thank you.

#26

Pretty rough. I only started to feel better and come out of the sadness when I took full responsibility for choosing not to have children.

My first partner didn’t want kids until he was 40.
My first husband was abusive and irresponsible.
My boyfriends after that were non-commital.
My second husband is amazing but has kids, had the snip and felt he was too old to adopt or foster.

The reality is - I chose these partners.
I’ve got lovely adult step children and I’m an auntie and godmother. I’ve fostered rescue animals for 20 years.

It’s not the same… but you can’t always get what you want, as the song goes.

When I have feelings about it, I have to take it on the chin.

#27

Honestly it's mixed. I see my friends and family and generally how happy they are, I reflect on my own childhood and how great the moments with my family were.


I've watched my grandmother go into assisted living, I know how horrible most places are. How much work my parents did to ensure she had top notch care and wasn't abused or forgotten about.


My biggest worry is what happens to me when I hit 70, 80, or older. Who do I have left to help me navigate serious health complications, going into a home, or disastrous issues such as dementia or alzheimer's. Society will throw me away because I don't have family that is willing to fight in my behalf the same way I will for my parents. I ask this same question to the other d***s I'm friends with and few of them ever considered these issues.


Lately I regret not having kids of my own i feel like i missed out on a ton. I'm well off working in the FAANG space, money isn't a concern, but I find myself dwelling on this more.

#28

A few pangs every now and then, but I wouldn’t change my decision.

#29

All my life I could barely take care of myself so I'm happy to not bring harm upon another life.

#30

Im 47 now and it's like dying a little every day. It's a loss people refuse to let you grieve.
My husband and I are both infertile. We couldn't afford (insurance doesn't cover IVF in our state) IVF. He took meds for nearly a year to get his sperms count high enough for IUI . We had one attempt, it failed (meds to make me ovulate I have PCOS). He started having scary sideeffects from the meds and wr had to stop. This was 9 years ago. Shortly after his sister got pregnant with her first child and made sure to tell me she didn't want to be pregnant. Shortly after that my youngest sister got pregnant and whined to me about how it took 3 months of sex to get pregnant. Then she made my life hell the entire time she was pregnant with unhinged threats of me never seeing her kids again because I had a reaction to the flu shot. She also told me to "suck it up" when I called her crying about the infertility diagnosis. Other people have it worse, she said.
We couldn't afford, at the time, to adopt. The attorney told us 60k was average and we'd be on a waiting list for years. Plus once we hit 40 our chances of "being selected" were slim. After the foster care classes and the horror stories, plus being told no infants or toddlers to adopt, we backed away from foster care.
Family wasn't supportive of us adopting because of the issues another family member had.

Now I'm 47. My older nieces and nephews have kids. My youngest sister has kids. My friends from school are grandparents. I regret every single day we didn't go bankrupt trying to have a family. Now we make enough to make payments on a loan to adopt, but I'm "too old to be selected by a birth mother".
PCOS has ruined my body. Insurance won't cover anything to treat it and 1500 a month for the meds is still unaffordable. I'm i perimenopause and have started ovulating, naturally for the first time. The irony.
I'm the fun aunt. We take the little nieces and nephews places and buy them fun toys. My SiL is broke with 4 kids (3 from marriage one by nature) and expects us to do the expensive stuff they can't afford with her kids. We do, but it's weird knowing how much she hates me she sees us as a way for her kids to get to do stuff.
Since we don't have kids we are expected to do all of the elder care. The "I have kids and a job" excuse is my youngest sisters favorite go to when dad needs something. She is 5 minutes away, I'm an hour. But 90% of the time she says since she has kids she can't help him out. I work too. Older sister's husband has dementia. So they are spending time with the grandkids now because soon he won't know who they are.

We have money to do what we want, mostly but we don't have any time. We do for everyone else and are made to feel horrible if we don't. The trade off for us is a deep longing to have kids but no time for the "freedom" everyone says we have.

Lately I've been crying alot about the whole thing. No one but my husband gives a f--k. We are just free babysitting and dad's helpers. I'm running my self ragged and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, my older sister sees it, my husband sees it, but dad and my youngest sister won't or can't. My health is affected by the stress. I look at my friends Facebook pages with their grandkids and kids and I think I have nothing.

I hate my childless life. My husband can't even enjoy the freedom we didn't want because no one respects us or our time. And holidays are dependent on family inviting us to attend. Otherwise it will just be us and the cats.

People keep telling us we should have adopted or that we "gave up too soon". Or "if you couldn't afford the 60k to adopt, you ar3 too poor to have kids" (the male infertility specialist said that). I asked if he had 60k just hanging out to spend to adopt and he was shocked at how much it was.
Im not always this bitter. It starts hitting hard around Halloween and continues to be a challenge until after Christmas. This is the hardest time of the year. But I smile and hide it. I don't want to hear one more "God's will", "God's punishment " or "you should have adopted". Nor do I want to hear "take one of my monsters, you will change your mind".....


F--k infertility.

Edited to add: I greatly appreciate the support and kind words. Infertility is a complex and emotionally draining thing. Family dynamics is complex too. I think many families don't understand that childless couples still have lots of other responsibilities. In our case, my youngest sister is a narcissist and my dad may also be, although less toxic. My older sister lives under the shadow of her husband of 30 years morphing into someone she no longer knows, and who, doesn't know many of us anymore, and who, is actively and slowly dying.

We try hard to keep the peace.

#31

It sucks.


Kids open up a lot of things you simply miss out on if you never had them.  Going to Disney World or a theme park, or even major fairs, the beach, seeing families with their kids having a good time.  Birthday parties, the thrills of school activities, holidays..


You get old, your friends get old, your parents pass on, everything feels a little bit hollow.


Yeah you also pass on a lot of stress, problems, heartache, headaches, financial issues, but in life you take the good with the bad, and you realize you gave up a lot of good after its too late to do anything about it.  And aging alone has ZERO upside to it, none, nada.

#32

Honestly, sort of sad, but not overwhelming.

I was always ambivalent about having kids. I would have been up for it if my partner wanted them, but he didn't, and I was totally fine not having them.

I still don't feel strongly about it. But that partner and I broke up a few years back, and now that I'm in my early 40s it's just very weird to realize that.. well, that window is probably closed. I mean as far as I know I could still get pregnant, but my current partner and I aren't in a place to be looking at that and since we'd really have to try like... now, I'm accepting that it's just not going to happen.

So yeah, there's some kind of grief. But it's a weird sort of grief because I never actively wanted kids and was always perfectly comfortable with the idea of not having them. It's more grief over losing the potential of having them in the future, I guess.

EDIT: Since so many people have said "why not just adopt," I'll add that I am adopted (closed infant adoption), and though I love being adopted, for many reasons I explain in this comment thread, have always known I would never myself adopt. Everyone is aware of adoption as an option, but it's a unique journey that should be chosen on its own merits, and not every person is suited to be an adoptive parent. And also... I STILL don't actively want kids!

#33

I have the freedom and funds to take off for a few weeks to travel anywhere in the world when I feel like it. Did do that a few times already and it was def an experience everytime. Or if I feel like it, do nothing at all. I can do whatever the f**k I want and that’s priceless to me.

Would my life be better or worst with kids? Hard to say tbh but the freedom alone I have right now makes me feel like it’s better than not.

#34

I'm happy. I love sleeping in late on Saturday mornings, not driving to tons of kids sporting events, never have to stand on the sidelines in the cold and rain, cheering on kids, driving to kids party after kids party every weekend.


I often hear parents main about preparing school lunches, which is not an issue.


Honestly, as a child I never ever dreamed of being a mother, I never played with dolls, ever. I never envisioned a time where I would have kids. I grew up in a very noisy house with way too many people crammed into a small space. My many siblings quickly had lots of kids as well, I've been surrounded by kids and spent a lot of my life looking after other people, cleaning, cooking and being a general dogs body. I just don't want to do that anymore.




I go on decent holidays, I'm free at the weekends. I love the peace and quiet. I am very happy in my own company and I have a very limited social battery. I don't believe I would have made a good parent. I do like kids but I feel I've sacrificed enough of my life looking after other people and I'm happy as I am. .

#35

I just had three margaritas and am going to take a nap. Do what you will with that information.

#36

As a woman, F*****G AMAZING. I had a hysterectomy at 25. I’m 43 now. I never wanted children and I was told maybe you will want one someday. I was never that kind of girl. Never wanted a kid. So glad I had a hysterectomy early so I can enjoy the rest of my life without female pain.

#37

Feels great to sleep through the night. .

#38

Lonely and sad. I have a son somewhere, many years ago I was dating a woman who dumped me when she got pregnant and gave up the baby. I only found out about the baby because I got sent mail I wasn’t supposed to get. The adoption was final and I couldn’t afford a lawyer, had no rights. I can only hope they look me up some day. Worst part is most of the children in my family are suffering serious genetic problems. So I don’t even know if he’s ok. .

#39

It makes me feel completely empty at times.

#40

Pretty good, I'm 55 and could retire tomorrow if I so choose.

#41

Perfect. I decided at 14 I did not want, and I stayed the course. I am serene and do not look back. Nor does my wife.

#42

The few years I was a parent were enough to teach me I don't want kids. As much as I loved my stepkids, I do not miss the constant, never ending panic. I was always anxious. Living in poverty, I just knew I was failing them.

I lived in a low grade state of anxiety for 5 years, worrying about them all the time. I still worry about them all the time, in fact, one is currently sleeping downstairs, she's homeless. It's so much different now that they are adults.

#43

I'm not sure how to answer this because I don't know what it would be like to have them. I see all my friends and siblings with kids and I see the beautiful parts. I also see the very hard parts. I also see the people who really really want children do everything they can to conceive. I just can't ever picture putting myself through that. I do know this. I love my life. Every aspect of it. I love seeing my neices and nephews grow up. I love that I can come home and have peace and quiet and not have a single thing to attend to. I'm truly happy. This is what I wanted and it's what I got. (But will i ever know "how it feels" opposed to having them.....nope).

#44

Never really wanted kids or understood why people have them. But now in my late 40s I realized that children serve as a distraction from your own existential crises. As mortality and other fears slowly become more prominent, children and their youthful energy make life more interesting and worth living. If all you have around you is aging and decay, life gets very boring and depressing.

#45

I wanted kids, it didn't happen.

It sucks not to have had that opportunity, I sometimes get caught up in some existential dread thinking about the fact that my genetic lineage stops with me and I'm leaving nothing behind as a legacy.

But on the flip side I know having kids would have been hell. Even as a kid I understood that to have kids I'd have to be okay with being a single parent; as even today it seems men continue to demonstrate an inability to take equal responsibility for raising their kids. As a disabled person it's hard enough to survive and advocate for myself without dragging a child into poverty, to advocate for them - my kids would likely be disabled too, I see friends struggling to get their SEN kids access to even basic education and I'm glad I don't deal with that.

I get to do what I want with my money and my time, I get to rest ans plenty of alone time, which I'm grateful for.

I feel bitter about no opportunity, but also glad.

#46

No regrets.

#47

I knew I'd never be fit to be a mother full time. So I spent my 20's and 30's as a Girl Scout leader, having fun and sending the kids home at the end of the meetings.

Sometimes I wish I could know what pregnancy feels like, but I'm glad I don't have a child of my own.

#48

It feels fantastic.

#49

Feels like financial independence.

#50

As much as I love my nieces.I still don't want any.