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“never Able To Compete”: ‘rebecca Syndrome’ Is Ruining Relationships For Over Half Of People
Have you ever felt an intense, inexplicable jealousy towards a partner’s previous relationship? You might just be suffering from “Rebecca Syndrome,” a condition that can create significant emotional distress and has the potential to ruin a couple’s life.
The phenomenon received its name from the 1938 novel Rebecca, which tells the story of the second spouse of a widower and her belief that she will never be able to compete with the eponymous first wife, who everyone claims to be beautiful and perfect.
The always-online nature of modern life has made people’s pasts more accessible than ever, with some studies revealing that more than half of people in relationships have looked up their partner’s ex at some point.
“Some individuals become obsessively preoccupied with their partner’s past relationships, even if there is no rational basis for their jealousy,” psychologist Dr. Louise Goddard-Crawley told Newsweek.
Psychologists explained how the Rebecca Syndrome, jealousy towards people’s exes, is becoming increasingly prevalent
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While the syndrome has not been officially recognized as a psychological disorder, it has nevertheless ingrained itself into pop culture after being adapted for media productions by the likes of Alfred Hitchcock and Orson Welles.
For Goddard-Crawley, however, the phenomenon has become increasingly relevant in recent years due to the ease with which the internet allows people to compare themselves to others’ often unrealistic standards.
“It’s irrational,” she explained. “One common sign is an obsessive preoccupation where the affected individual constantly thinks about their partner’s previous relationships.”
As the unpleasant feeling evolves, it can often translate into controlling and intrusive behavior by the one experiencing it as they try and fail to manage their jealousy on their own.
“They may harbor suspicion or paranoia regarding their partner’s past, believing that the ex-partner remains a threat to the current relationship,” Goddard-Crawley added.
Studies revealed that the syndrome is ingrained in childhood trauma, as people try to recreate the conditions within which they first experienced affection from caregivers
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A 2022 study by the University of Bern, Switzerland, explored how early childhood experiences shape jealousy patterns in adult relationships.
The researchers found that individuals who experienced emotional neglect or inconsistent affection from caregivers were more likely to exhibit heightened levels of romantic jealousy later in life.
Unreliable caregiving was associated with the development of feelings of inevitable abandonment, leading those affected to not only expect this outcome but strive to create it.
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The paper explained how anxious behaviors such as Rebecca Syndrome are ultimately an effort to recreate the conditions within which the person first experienced affection as a child. If a person feels that love is conditional, scarce, or associated with negative emotions such as fear, then they will look for relationships that support this belief.
Conversely, the study explained how those with secure attachments tended to display lower levels of jealousy, allow themselves higher levels of trust in their partners, and reduce the emotional impact of perceived threats like exes.
People with higher levels of neuroticism are more likely to experience the Rebecca Syndrome. Conversely, those with higher levels of agreeableness are more resistant to feelings of jealousy
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The study also established a link between the Big Five personality traits in modern psychology and the degrees to which a person is likely to experience jealousy.
The model, first proposed in 1958 by the Texas Air Force researchers Ernest Tupes and Raymond Christal, establishes neuroticism, openness, conscientiousness, agreeableness, and extraversion as the five factors that combine to create a person’s personality.
Out of these, neuroticism, characterized by anxiety and emotional instability, was found to be the strongest predictor of jealousy, as individuals are more likely to react negatively to perceived threats and display the critical factor in the Rebecca Syndrome: obsessive behavior towards a partner’s past.
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On the other hand, traits like agreeableness and openness were associated with lower levels of jealousy, as individuals tended to trust their partners more and were less likely to view an ex as a rival.
Another interesting finding was that these personality-driven tendencies did not significantly differ between genders, relationship statuses, or past infidelity experiences, with childhood trauma being ultimately the root cause of the phenomenon.
Netizens took to social media to share their own experiences with the now-infamous Rebecca Syndrome
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“What about the ex-baby mama obsessively jealous of the new gf? What’s that one called? I had to live through their nonsense for years,” a reader wrote.
“There’s a difference between being jealous and being territorial. Jealousy is wanting something that isn’t yours; being territorial is protecting what’s yours,” another argued.
“This happened to me a lot in the past! Constantly being accused of what I never did! It’ll drive you insane!” a user shared.
“My ex-husband’s wife experiences this so heavily that it led to parental alienation and severe damage done to my children, not only myself,” another recalled.
