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[“when We Forget How To Honor The Emotional Signals Or Refuse To Attend To The Sensory Messengers In…
[“When we forget how to honor the emotional signals or refuse to attend to the sensory messengers in our body, we unconsciously communicate to our self that we cannot be trusted to take care of ourselves. This is going to make simple disagreements in our relationships more painful and triggering, especially if our partner is struggling to understand why something is impacting us so deeply. I’m going to say that again because I really want it to sink in… When you ignore the deeper messages that your brilliant body is trying to communicate to you through emotion and sensation, you are committing to the idea that you are unable to take care of yourself or your life. When we misinterpret or ignore our internal cues, the body will either turn up the volume or turn it down.
What does this look like in trauma-bonded adult relationships? It looks like your most painful trauma imprints—heart-wrenching loneliness, resistance to letting someone else in, disgust in your own vulnerability, perfectionism, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. The good news is that you are completely capable of healing these devastating wounds, precisely because you have endured much harder things than this journey you are on. Because you wouldn’t have made it this far if you weren’t already courageous and resilient.
What would it mean if you came to terms with the possibility that, due to your attachment traumas from your past, your internal volume in your adult relationships may be out of whack? Can you hear that with openness and acceptance without shaming or self-criticizing? Now, this does not mean that “out of whack” volume is useless. It is helpful, in fact, because it points us directly to the wound and the unmet need. Accepting that this might have happened to you is different than accepting it as your permanent identity or a representation of who you are, which is important to distinguish. Nevertheless, coming to terms with how your body is calibrated now is an important step.”]
laura copley, from loving you is hurting me: a new approach to healing trauma bonds and creating authentic connection, 2023
