15 Surprising Reasons Some People Struggle With Long Term Relationships & How To Open Up

Long-term relationships aren’t just about love—they require effort, emotional intelligence, and a willingness to grow alongside someone else. While some people seem to transition seamlessly into commitment, others find themselves hitting roadblocks over and over again. It’s not always a lack of desire for love—it’s often deeper, more subconscious fears and beliefs that make long-term relationships feel difficult or even impossible. Here are 15 surprising reasons why some people struggle with long-term commitment, and what can be done to change that.

1. They Were Never Modeled Healthy Love Growing Up

For some, love wasn’t something they saw expressed in a healthy way as children. If someone grew up watching toxic relationships, constant arguments, or emotionally distant parents, their understanding of love can be skewed. They may associate relationships with chaos, emotional instability, or neglect rather than something safe and nurturing. When that’s the blueprint they were given, it’s no surprise they struggle to build something different in their own lives. As reported byAccording to research published in the Journal of Family Psychology, individuals who experienced childhood emotional neglect often struggle with emotional regulation and intimacy in adult relationships.

The good news? Patterns can be unlearned. Recognizing that the relationships modeled in childhood weren’t necessarily “normal” is the first step. Therapy, self-reflection, and surrounding themselves with people in healthy partnerships can help reshape what love looks like. Long-term relationships require rewiring those early beliefs and choosing something better.

2. They’ve Had Their Trust Betrayed In The Past

Trust is the foundation of any long-term relationship, and when it’s broken—whether by an ex, a friend, or even a parent—it leaves lasting scars. Someone who has experienced betrayal might enter every new relationship expecting the same thing to happen again. Instead of fully trusting their partner, they stay on high alert, waiting for proof that their fears are justified. That kind of emotional armor makes it nearly impossible to build a lasting connection. A study from the National Institute of Mental Health reports that past betrayals can significantly impact a person’s ability to form secure attachments in future relationships.

Healing from past betrayals isn’t about blindly trusting again—it’s about learning to distinguish past pain from present reality. Recognizing that not everyone is out to hurt them allows them to approach relationships with a fresh perspective. Taking things slow, communicating openly, and being with someone who values honesty can help rebuild the trust that was lost.

3. They Think Every Relationship Has To Lead To Marriage

Some people struggle with long-term relationships because they feel like every serious relationship needs to lead to a lifelong commitment. That kind of pressure turns something that should be enjoyable into a constant evaluation of whether or not their partner is “the one.” Instead of letting love unfold naturally, they stress over whether they’re wasting time, which can sabotage the connection before it even has a chance to grow. The American Psychological Association suggests that pressure to marry can lead to decreased relationship satisfaction and increased likelihood of divorce.

The key to shifting this mindset is understanding that relationships are valuable even if they don’t end in marriage. Not every love story is meant to be forever, and that doesn’t mean it wasn’t worthwhile. When they stop fixating on the destination and start appreciating the journey, relationships become less of an obligation and more of an experience.

4. They Think They’ll Lose Themselves In A Long-Term Relationship

Commitment can feel suffocating for people who associate relationships with losing their independence. They might believe that being in a partnership means sacrificing their identity, hobbies, or freedom. The fear of becoming “just someone’s partner” makes them hesitant to fully invest, leading them to push people away even when they want love. Research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships indicates that maintaining individual identity within a relationship is crucial for long-term relationship satisfaction.

The truth is, a healthy relationship doesn’t take away individuality—it enhances it. The right partner encourages personal growth and independence rather than limiting it. Learning to set boundaries, maintain personal passions, and communicate their needs allows them to experience love without feeling like they have to disappear into it.

5. They Never Learned How To Compromise

Relationships aren’t about winning or being right all the time—they’re about balance. Someone who struggles with long-term relationships might have a hard time seeing things from another person’s perspective. If they’re used to always getting their way or have never had to consider another person’s needs, compromise can feel like a loss rather than a partnership.

Compromise isn’t about giving up—it’s about finding a middle ground that makes both people happy. Learning to listen, adjusting expectations, and realizing that relationships require give-and-take can change the way they approach commitment. The most fulfilling relationships aren’t about control—they’re about teamwork.

6. They Don’t Know What To Do When The Honeymoon Phase Ends

Some people love the beginning of a relationship—the butterflies, the excitement, the feeling of being completely infatuated. But when that initial spark settles into something more stable, they panic. They mistake the natural transition from infatuation to deep connection as “losing feelings” and convince themselves that the relationship isn’t working anymore.

Understanding that long-term love isn’t about constant fireworks but about emotional depth can shift this mindset. Relationships evolve, and real intimacy comes from consistency, trust, and shared experiences. Instead of chasing the high of new love, they can learn to appreciate the comfort and security of lasting love.

7. They’re Terrified Of Someone Getting To Know The Real Them

Long-term relationships require vulnerability, and that’s terrifying for someone who has spent their life keeping walls up. The closer someone gets, the harder it becomes to hide insecurities, flaws, and fears. For people who struggle with self-acceptance, letting someone see their unfiltered self feels like a risk they aren’t willing to take.

The reality is, true connection comes from authenticity. The right partner will embrace both the strengths and weaknesses, but that can only happen if they allow themselves to be seen. Learning to trust that they are lovable just as they are can help break the cycle of self-sabotage.

8. They Don’t Know How To Communicate Properly

Many relationship struggles boil down to one thing—poor communication. If someone grew up in an environment where emotions weren’t openly discussed, they might struggle to express their needs, resolve conflicts, or even articulate their feelings. This leads to misunderstandings, unspoken resentments, and an inability to navigate the ups and downs of a long-term relationship.

The good news? Communication is a skill that can be learned. Practicing honesty, active listening, and emotional vulnerability can completely transform how they approach relationships. Being able to express themselves clearly and openly allows for deeper connections and prevents unnecessary tension.

9. They Don’t Want To Deal With The Monotony And Monogamy Of Long-Term Relationships

Some people crave excitement and spontaneity so much that the idea of routine feels unbearable. They associate long-term relationships with predictability, seeing them as a slow descent into boring date nights, repetitive conversations, and a lack of passion. Instead of embracing the stability that comes with deep connection, they run from it, convinced that once the excitement fades, so does the love.

The truth is, every relationship will have moments that feel ordinary—but that’s not a bad thing. Love isn’t about constant adrenaline rushes; it’s about building a life with someone, finding joy in the little things, and creating new adventures together. The people who thrive in long-term relationships are the ones who understand that consistency doesn’t have to mean stagnation. It just means the foundation is strong enough to handle the ebbs and flows of real life.

10. They Think Being In A Long-Term Relationship Means Their Life Has To Change

Some people avoid commitment because they think it means sacrificing everything they love about their current life. They imagine giving up their independence, their free time, or their personal goals just to accommodate another person. The fear of losing their autonomy keeps them at arm’s length from anything that feels too serious.

But the best relationships don’t require anyone to shrink themselves. A healthy partnership allows both people to maintain their individuality while also growing together. Long-term love doesn’t mean giving up personal passions—it means having someone who supports them. Changing this mindset can help them see that relationships aren’t about losing oneself; they’re about sharing life without losing what makes them unique.

11. They Haven’t Done The Things They Wanted To Do Before Settling Down

For some, commitment feels like closing a door on certain experiences. They hesitate to settle into a long-term relationship because they still have things they want to accomplish—traveling, career moves, personal goals—that they fear a relationship might interfere with. Instead of seeing a relationship as something that could enhance their life, they see it as something that could limit it.

The key shift here is realizing that the right relationship won’t hold them back—it will support them. A healthy partnership doesn’t mean abandoning personal dreams; it means having someone who encourages them to chase those dreams while standing by their side. The idea that they have to do everything alone before committing is a myth—sometimes, having the right person alongside them makes the journey even better.

12. They Chase The High Of New Love But Fear The Stability

Falling in love is exhilarating—there’s excitement, mystery, and an intoxicating rush of emotions. But for some people, that’s the only part of relationships they truly enjoy. Once things settle into stability, they start to feel restless. They mistake the absence of constant fireworks for a lack of love, and rather than leaning into the deeper emotional connection that’s forming, they move on to find that rush again.

What they don’t realize is that real love isn’t about chasing highs—it’s about building something steady and secure. The thrill of new love is temporary, but the comfort and depth of a committed relationship are what truly bring lasting happiness. Learning to appreciate the beauty in consistency rather than always chasing excitement is what allows relationships to flourish.

13. They Expect Their Partner To “Fix” What Only They Can Work On

Some people enter relationships hoping their partner will magically heal all their wounds. They look to love as a solution to their self-esteem issues, their past traumas, or their feelings of emptiness. They expect their partner to make them feel whole, and when that doesn’t happen, they either feel disappointed or blame the relationship for not “fixing” them.

The reality is, no relationship can replace self-work. A partner can offer support, love, and encouragement, but they can’t do the internal healing for someone else. The happiest and healthiest relationships happen when both people take responsibility for their own growth rather than expecting their partner to carry that weight for them. When they understand that love is about complementing each other, not completing each other, they’ll have a much easier time sustaining a relationship.

14. They Think Love Should Always Feel Effortless

Many people have been fed the idea that love should be easy, that when you find “the one,” everything just falls into place without effort. So, when challenges arise—or when they have to put in work—they assume something must be wrong. Instead of viewing love as something that requires care and attention, they see difficulties as signs that the relationship isn’t meant to be.

The truth is, even the strongest relationships require effort. Disagreements happen, life circumstances change, and people grow. Love isn’t about avoiding challenges—it’s about facing them together. Understanding that effort doesn’t mean failure allows them to appreciate the beauty of real, lasting love rather than constantly searching for a relationship that never requires work.

15. They Panic When Things Start Feeling Too Comfortable

Some people equate comfort with danger—once a relationship feels safe, secure, and predictable, they start looking for an exit. They worry that comfort means stagnation or that the absence of drama means the spark is gone. Instead of appreciating the stability of a healthy relationship, they start to question whether something is missing.

The key to overcoming this is realizing that comfort is actually a good thing. It means trust has been built, emotional walls have come down, and a real bond has formed. A relationship doesn’t have to be chaotic to be passionate. Learning to appreciate the security of deep connection rather than fearing it is what allows love to last.

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