Balanced Parenting: Proposing A Differentiation‐based Parenting Approach Informed By Bowen Family Systems Theory

Abstract

The purpose of this article is to introduce Balanced Parenting, a differentiation-based parenting approach informed by Bowen family systems theory. It is aimed at countering today's anxious, child-focused parenting culture and deconstructing attachment theory, which has been identified as contributing to this culture. The approach includes four main pillars: (a) deconstructing attachment theory, (b) the five principles of balanced parenting, (c) shifting the paradigm, and (d) steps toward change. Pillar one explains how attachment theory feeds anxious, child-focused parenting by ignoring parent autonomy and codependency between parent and child and underestimating children's ability to self-soothe. It also explains that attachment theory's claims are problematic due to lacking systemic thinking and not aligning with empirical research. Pillar two seeks to communicate Bowen theory's parenting perspective through five principles: mutual respect for autonomy, focus on self, child's self-reliance, improving couple relationships, and letting go of blame. Pillar three can help guide individuals shift their thinking from the attachment paradigm toward the Bowen theory paradigm. Pillar four communicates the steps reset, refocus, and redefine, which can help parents apply a Bowen theory perspective. This approach is expected to relieve parent guilt and burnout, foster children's well-being and healthy development, and promote genuine, lasting connection between parents and children.