Growth And Healing In Recovery

Healing is not linear or categorizable but is an obscure odyssey of the soul that meanders, stagnates, and has ups and downs. It warps time, intertwining our past and present, perspectives, relationships, and emotional struggles. For me, writing has been a gratifying and powerful healing tool along my journey. I decided to publish poems I’ve written and lessons I’ve learned in a new book, Unfettered Soul: Poems and Contemplations on Recovery. 

This heartfelt collection contains poems contributed by nine other poets. They explore our grief, triumphs, and revelations along our path to self-love, healing, and transformation. Cry, laugh, exclaim hurray, and aha as you follow our inquiry into soul reclamation. We delve into the multifaceted nature of the psyche, offering sensitive wisdom into personal growth and self-discovery.

For me, crafting a poem is a journey that uncovers, clarifies, and releases complex feelings and experiences.  As a child, I began reading and writing poetry, which has since become a gratifying and powerful tool for healing and self-discovery. This introspective process often starts with a reflection on a feeling, a thought, or an observation in nature, sometimes unfolding as a metaphor that mirrors inchoate ideas or emotions.

The struggle to find the right words and rhythm holds significance, with each draft deepening my exploration that becomes both cathartic and transformative. As I immerse in the process, it intensifies, distractions fade, and new insights emerge. The culmination brings clarity, a sense of accomplishment, and greater understanding of myself and the human condition.

Despite this complexity, I organized the poems into six sections: Perspectives, Relationships, Angst, Change and Transformation, Faith, and Self-Love and Healing. Section headings are somewhat arbitrary. There are poems about relationships that also touch on healing or angst, and poems about depression that prepare us for transition to something new. Each section concludes with insightful essays for self-reflection. They follow the poems to allow you to read them without any bias or preconceived interpretation.

Perspective—how we define ourselves and our worldview—is often arbitrary and shaped by our early experiences and the narratives we construct around our identity and the environment. Whether we see our life as half-full or half-empty, the world and people as safe or dangerous, or time as our friend or our enemy substantially impacts us. Frequently, our perspectives determine our behavior, magnify our anxieties, and cause our negative thoughts and inner conflict.

Relationships play a crucial role in our growth, as they reveal our wounded places. Our first relationship begins with dependency on our mother or primary caregiver and extends nearly one-quarter of our lifetime. Early parental interactions influence our attachment style in adult relationships. Unmet childhood needs and intimacy patterns can lead us to self-sacrifice, confuse love with longing, and hamper healthy interdependency. Some people lose themselves in relationships or choose to be alone to retain their autonomy. Others resolve this dilemma by having short, serial relationships, pursuing someone unavailable, or using an addiction to create distance. We may need to redefine love, our needs and expectations, and how we interact with loved ones. Many of the poems in this section explore painful lessons and relationships as growth opportunities.

Angst may visit us in the form of anxiety, isolation, depression, and despair. Past trauma that lingers in the shadows exacerbates our pain and complicates our journey. Our greatest suffering usually arises from distorted thinking, shame, or loss of our dreams, abilities, or loved ones. When we feel rejected or lose a relationship, the poignant shame of feeling unloved, unlovable, or unwanted is magnified. Yet, these painful experiences illuminate wounds we need to heal.

Our soul cries out for Change when our lives are out of alignment, but change isn’t easy.  When I began my journey over 40 years ago, I read a book entitled Courage to Change. At that time, I never thought about courage, nor associated it with change. But indeed it has taken courage and the support of mentors who went before me. We need courage to let go of familiar yet unhelpful patterns and defenses that have kept us safe. We usually resist until the ongoing unhappiness with ourselves, our relationship, or our work prompts us to change. Fear can blind us to our potential for growth, but recognizing that our distress beckons transformation motivates us to take action. Courage to change our attitudes and behaviors is essential for personal growth, as is accepting responsibility for our happiness.

Faith emerges as a guiding light on this journey, supporting transitions, and inviting us to trust in the unknown. Praying for a specific outcome may stem from a desire for control, often driven by fear. Yet, cultivating true faith embraces uncertainty with patience and opens our heart to the ever-changing aliveness of the present. It helps us acknowledge instances where we’re powerless and to relinquish the need to manage every aspect of our lives. In doing so, we become empowered to take meaningful action.

Eventually, our journey leads us to the heart of Self-love, teaching us that healing begins with compassion for ourselves. Seeking external solutions to alleviate our suffering only provides temporary relief. True healing requires self-reflection and awareness of who we are. We often underestimate the impact of a loving response to ourselves and our pain. It involves deep listening, honoring our feelings, setting boundaries, and nurturing our emotional and physical well-being.

Self-compassion and radical acceptance of ourselves allow us to move beyond self-criticism and discover our true self, fostering resilience and inner peace. By opening our heart and mind to the present moment, we channel the intrinsic energy that unites us with the fabric of life, and become happier, calmer, and more accepting of people and the vicissitudes of life.

Recovery is not a destination but a continual process of transformation—an ongoing adventure, rich with opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Through this journey, I’ve gained inspiration, transforming insecurity into strength and emotional resilience. Whether you’re navigating the challenges of recovery, seeking a deeper understanding of yourself, or on a quest for solace, inspiration, or transformation, Unfettered Soul offers a guiding, uplifting light through darkness. I hope that by sharing this journey, you find insight and encouragement to reflect on your experiences, reclaim your inner strength, and embrace the beauty of your unfettered soul.

Some early reviews:

“Darlene has a great deal of wisdom. Her essays expand your mind, and her poems expand your heart and spirit. Unfettered Soul is a wonderful gift to give yourself or for anyone who is searching and healing. I highly recommend it.”  By  Beverly Engel, Author of Put Your Past in the Past

“Lovely imagery leading to deep introspection and self-reflection.” By Mystic Pete, Host KXLU 88.9 FM, L.A.

“Darlene Lancer’s poetry collection opens a path to self-discovery and resilience, offering readers comfort and fresh insights on their journey.” By Tracy A. Malone, Founder NarcissistAbuseSupport.com

Readers’ comments: “I can relate.” “Beautiful imagery.” “Love this.” “So good.”

The book will be available in print in a few days. Preorder the ebook here.

Copyright 2024 Darlene Lancer