Love Advice Column

A heart-to-heart with the Editorial Board

By THE EDITORIAL BOARD

Roses are red, violets are blue, romance feeling dead? The Editorial Board can help you! You wrote to us with your deepest romantic problems, and we are here to give you all of the answers as certified love doctors. 

From Esther: 

Q: I just got rejected. How should I deal? I never really liked another girl before and I built up all this confidence to tell her and she said no because she doesn’t want to be my first.

Dear Esther,

First of all, I would like to commend your vulnerability and bravery in sharing your feelings with someone. There might not be anything scarier in the dating world than the awkward and sometimes heartbreaking courtship process, and to be honest and open is something to be proud of. I want to stress something to you: The self-confidence that you built is an achievement, and it does not need to disappear after rejection. Putting yourself out there is the scary part — even though your feelings aren’t reciprocated, it is not a reflection of you. 

I know it’s hard to believe, but when the inevitable feelings of insecurity after rejection settle in, it’s important to remember that you are not the thoughts and feelings of other people. Your self-worth is not dependent on someone’s affection, and you are already whole without the reciprocation of romantic feelings. That being said, wanting to experience love is part of human nature, and feeling sad and disappointed after a rejection is normal (and honestly expected). 

In terms of healing (or maybe a distraction), I would recommend taking some time to care for yourself: eat your comfort foods, watch your favorite movies and talk out your feelings with someone close to you. If you are still having trouble processing your feelings, you can always reach out to the girl you like if you feel you need more closure, but, once her feelings are clear, try not to push it further. It’s hard to keep your mind from spiraling, but the more time you spend focusing on yourself, the quicker you’ll heal. I know it sucks to hear it — believe me, I do — but the right person is out there. 

From Angelica S.: 

Q: I’ve had a crush on a family friend for years now, but I’ve always been too scared to tell him how I feel. Recently, my sister mentioned that he was cute and that she wanted to ask him out, but she doesn’t know I like him. What should I do? I’m too scared to make a move on the guy but I know I’ll regret it if they end up together. He’s coming up to Davis for the weekend to hangout, so it’s now or never. Help!

Dear Angelica S.,

That sounds like quite the predicament, but, as a potentially certified love doctor, I believe there is only one way to go about this. The first step is to talk to your sister since she is unaware of your feelings. There is nothing wrong with having feelings for someone, and as humans, we cannot control who we have feelings for. You should have an honest conversation with her in which you express that you have had feelings for him for a long time and are considering telling him. She will likely be understanding and supportive, especially since she only recently mentioned that she thought he was cute!

Upon a lot of group discussion, the eight members of the Editorial Board had a few conflicting ideas on how to sort through this situation. One option is to prioritize sisterly love and keep that relationship healthy first. Another option is to act on your emotions and finally confess how you feel when he comes to visit. Lastly, it could be best if neither of you acted on your feelings to avoid it causing strain on your relationship. Whatever you choose, finding the balance between respecting both yours and your sister’s feelings and well-being is the most important.

If you choose to confess and things go well, Valentine’s Day is the holiday for love and romance, and there’s no better time to put yourself out there. If he reciprocates your feelings, then great! If he doesn’t, then at least you won’t be wondering: what if? Also, chances are if he is coming up to spend the weekend with you, there could be something there. Good luck, I hope it goes well! 

P.S.: We would love it if you could give us an update at the end of the weekend to let us know what you decided/what happened We are very invested!!!! Email editor@theaggie.org with the details.

From Jessica Rose:

Q: I’ve had a very hard time finding love in Davis, with dating apps, classes and clubs not working. I feel very insecure about this but I don’t know what to do. Any advice?

Dear Jessica,

Sorry to hear that things aren’t working out for you right now. Relationships take time; it might seem like a cliché (because it is), but the right person will eventually come along, and they will be worth the wait. You can’t force anything that isn’t meant to be — someone out there is waiting to meet someone like you, and you have to make sure that you can connect with them about your values, interests and opinions. All of the things that you’ve done to try to find love — dating apps, classes, clubs — are perfectly reasonable ways to meet people, so you can honestly just keep doing what you’ve been doing. 

Also, remember that you don’t have to necessarily show up somewhere with the intent of finding romantic love; Love comes in many forms, including the platonic kind. If you make an effort, you might end up meeting some nice friends (and if those friendships naturally turn into something more, then that’s a win-win for you). Keep an open mind! If you truly just want a romantic relationship and you’re not finding my optimism helpful, then I’ve still got you covered. Consider the following options: ask one of your friends to set you up with someone, study at busy locations on campus, strike up a conversation with literally everyone you sit next to, try a new non-academic hobby/class… the opportunities are endless. Don’t give up, and good luck!

From Fix-it Felix:

Q: How do I get someone from another school to notice me? We’re in competing clubs. 

Dear Fix-It Felix,

Trying to make a move on someone who you don’t see often can definitely be tricky. However, there is arguably nothing that sparks romance like a little competition — enemies to lovers is one of the most popular tropes in media for a reason! The next time your clubs face off, see if you can work a bit of a flirtation into your competitive banter. Hopefully your side wins, and you can have a competitive edge against them — everyone loves a winner, after all. 

I would recommend asking for their social media, if you don’t already have it — Instagram is usually a safe bet — so that when you aren’t able to see them, they can still be reminded that you’re out there and up to cool activities. It might be a good time to cultivate your Instagram Story-making skills to remind them that they’re missing out on your super cool vibes. If you feel up to it, hit them with a story like or even slide into their DMs: a classic and safe bet to establish a first conversation. It isn’t easy to create connections with people who don’t go to the same school as you, but in this age of social media, that’s likely the best way to stay connected. Remind that person that until your next competition when you meet again, you’re out there — and available — somewhere. 

I wish you the best of luck; I hope during your next competition, you catch a win — hopefully in more ways than one!

From Silk Moth: 

Q: How do you flirt (with social anxiety)?

Dear Silk Moth,

Striking the perfect balance between friendliness and something more is hard enough without social anxiety, so I think it’s important to first recognize that it’s okay not to have perfected your flirting skills. I don’t think many people flirt without flaw, so don’t expect that of yourself either. However, I think keeping two things in mind when approaching flirting could be very helpful. 

First, regardless of the nature of the relationship you are seeking, whether it’s an FWB or a life partner, it’s important to also like them overall as a person. This means you don’t have to dive off the deep end and initiate some scandalous conversation right off the bat (and I would recommend you don’t), so don’t put pressure on yourself to do so. 

Secondly, when you get to a stage where you are more comfortable with the person and it feels like an appropriate time to shoot your shot, just go for it. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, and nobody makes it to the NBA of flirting without firing off some airballs. 

Ultimately, the most important part of this process is showing yourself kindness when you eventually make a mistake — as is the price for all risks worth taking.

From Sophie: 

Q: How do I stay in a long-term relationship? I keep growing bored of partners who just seem like they can’t keep up with me and how often I like to change things up.

Dear Sophie,

Finding the “right” person is never an easy journey, it also doesn’t always have to be your end goal either. If you take one piece of advice from this non-perfect response, let it be this: Do not change who you are for anybody. I’m not saying you shouldn’t grow as a person or work on any issues that you may experience — we all have them. What I am trying to say is that you should not change the unique qualities that make you the person you are, because the right person will love every single one of those aspects. But enough of the platitudes, I’m sure you wanted more concrete advice. 

Getting bored of potential partners is normal; They likely weren’t the right person for you or it’s possible you weren’t the right person for them — and that is okay. There is nothing horrible about not being the right person for anybody, because you are most certainly the right person for somebody. My hope is that you will find someone who can keep up with you and match your energy. 

Be patient, don’t be afraid to give new people a chance and, most of all, trust your gut. 

From Introverted Romantic: 

Q: Hi Cal Aggie! Where should an introvert find love? 

Dear Introverted Romantic, 

As a certified introvert myself, I deeply empathize with this question. Introverts tend to enjoy keeping to themselves, taking things slowly and meeting someone with whom they can have great conversations. 

Therefore, (even though I am well aware that this may be an unpopular opinion), I would recommend a “friends first” dating app like Hinge or Bumble. Despite the stigma associated with finding love on dating apps, I find that, by maintaining clear and healthy boundaries and indicating that you are looking for a genuine connection before anything else, you can meet like-minded individuals with whom you can have wonderful conversations. Learning each other’s communication styles and common interests before meeting in person gives you a base from which to pursue deeper conversations, which I personally find more comfortable and rewarding than speed-dating in person. 

If you are avidly anti-dating apps, the easiest way to find love is just by putting yourself out there. While it is a lot more scary to do so as an introvert, small actions like sitting next to someone in class, taking that first step to compliment someone you find attractive or joining organizations that align with your personal interests will bring you in contact with similarly minded people. Davis is full of beauty and brimming with opportunity. Pursuing the things that you are passionate about are sure to bring you in contact with potential love —- so, don’t stress too much about finding romance, fellow introvert! Love exists in so many forms, and, as long as you focus on making yourself the best version that you can be, love will find you sure enough.

With love, 

The Editorial Board

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