People Who Grew Up With Selfish And Self-centered Parents Often Display These 8 Behaviors Later In Life

Picture this: A child constantly apologizing for being “too much” or “not enough,” learning early that their emotions were an inconvenience.

Fast forward to adulthood, and that same person struggles with asserting themselves or fears being a burden.

If this feels familiar, you might be experiencing the residual effects of growing up with selfish parents.

Many people in similar circumstances develop behaviors like over-apologizing, people-pleasing, or even pushing others away.

These patterns, though deeply ingrained, are not irreversible. 

So, without further ado, let’s dive in:

1) Constant self-doubt

It’s a common theme among those raised by self-centered parents – the nagging feeling of never being good enough.

This constant self-doubt is a direct result of a childhood spent trying to meet the impossible standards of selfish parents.

Parents who, instead of nurturing and encouraging, were more focused on their own needs and wants.

This self-doubt can permeate every aspect of their lives, undermining their relationships, career choices, and even their basic sense of self-worth.

It’s a heavy burden to carry. But understanding its origin can be the first step towards breaking free from its weight.

That’s what we’re aiming to do here – shed light on these patterns, in the hopes that awareness can lead to change.

After all, knowledge is power. And with power, comes the ability to rewrite our own stories.

2) Difficulty with trust

Trust is a tricky thing when you’ve grown up with self-centered parents. I know this because I’ve lived it.

In my own life, my parents were always more focused on their own needs and neglected mine.

This dynamic created a deep-rooted sense of insecurity and a feeling that I couldn’t rely on them, or anyone else for that matter.

As I transitioned into adulthood, this lack of trust followed me. It affected my relationships – I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always expecting people to let me down because that’s what I had been conditioned to believe.

It took years of therapy and self-reflection to recognize this pattern and work towards trusting people again. It’s a journey that I’m still on, one day at a time.

3) Overcompensation in relationships

People raised by self-centered parents often go the extra mile in their adult relationships.

This is because they’ve grown accustomed to putting others’ needs before their own, a behavior learned from trying to please their selfish parents.

Interestingly, research has found a correlation between having self-centered parents and being more giving in adult relationships.

The study suggested that those with self-absorbed parents often become overly generous and self-sacrificing in their attempts to maintain relationships.

This overcompensation can lead to imbalance and exhaustion. 

4) Struggle with setting boundaries

Setting boundaries is often a struggle for those raised by selfish parents.

The reason? Boundaries were likely dismissed or ignored during their childhood, leaving them with a skewed understanding of personal space and respect.

Growing up in such an environment, it’s hard to learn that it’s okay to say ‘no’, that it’s okay to put your needs first sometimes.

This lack of boundary setting can seep into adulthood, leading to situations where they might feel taken advantage of or overwhelmed by the needs of others.

5) Craving validation

Having grown up with parents who were too wrapped up in their own needs to offer praise or recognition, it’s no surprise that many people from these backgrounds may find themselves seeking validation in adulthood.

This craving for validation can be heartfelt and intense.

It’s not simply about wanting a pat on the back. It’s an emotional need, a longing for the reassurance that they are good enough, valuable, and worthy of love – a reassurance they may not have received during their formative years.

But here’s what’s important to know: Their value doesn’t lie in the approval of others. It’s inherent. And no amount of external validation can match the power of self-acceptance and self-love.

6) Fear of abandonment

One of the most heart-wrenching consequences of being raised by self-centered parents is the persistent fear of abandonment. I’ve felt it, and it’s a tough fear to shake.

When those who are supposed to be your primary caregivers are emotionally absent, it instills a deep-rooted fear that anyone you care about could leave at any moment.

This fear followed me into my adult relationships. Any hint of conflict or disagreement would send me spiraling into anxiety, terrified that I was about to be left alone once again.

But over time, I learned that not everyone operates like my parents did. That people can disagree without it meaning the end of a relationship. That it’s okay to have conflict and that it can actually lead to growth and understanding.

7) Hyper-sensitivity to criticism

Criticism can be a tough pill to swallow for anyone. But for those raised by self-centered parents, it can sting particularly hard.

Growing up with constant criticism or being berated for not living up to their parents’ high expectations can make anyone hypersensitive to any hint of disapproval or judgment.

This sensitivity can carry over into adulthood, making them overly defensive or anxious when faced with even constructive feedback.

Overcoming this requires understanding that criticism is a part of life and not a personal attack. It’s about learning to separate the feedback from their self-worth and using it as a tool for growth. 

8) Resilience and strength

Despite the challenges and struggles that come with being raised by self-centered parents, there’s one trait that often emerges – resilience.

The hardships faced in childhood can forge a strength and resilience that is truly remarkable. These individuals have navigated through a storm and come out the other side stronger.

This resilience isn’t just about surviving, it’s about thriving. It’s about taking the hand they were dealt, learning from it, and using those lessons to grow and flourish.

It’s your superpower. Don’t underestimate it.

The power of understanding

The complexities of human behavior, particularly those shaped by our childhood experiences, are deeply intertwined with our emotional and psychological makeup.

A profound understanding of this connection is crucial, especially for those who’ve grown up with self-centered parents.

Recognizing these behaviors rooted in our upbringing doesn’t mean we are doomed to repeat them. Quite the contrary. This awareness paves the way for healing, growth, and transformation.

Consider this: American psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

This acceptance starts with understanding – understanding our behaviors, our patterns, and their origins. It’s about acknowledging the past, but not letting it dictate our future.

This journey towards understanding can be tough. It can be painful. But it’s also empowering. It’s a path that leads to self-discovery, self-love, and ultimately, freedom.

So as you reflect on these behaviors and their roots in your own life, remember this: You have the power to break the cycle. You have the power to redefine your story. And that is an incredible thing.

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