People Who Never Felt Wanted As A Child Typically Display These 7 Traits Later In Life (according To Psych Experts)

Growing up feeling unwanted can leave a lasting mark, but understanding those experiences can help make sense of certain behaviors in adulthood.

People who’ve been through this often struggle with trust or crave validation more than others—it’s a natural response to early experiences.

However, psychology experts share how these patterns show up and why recognizing them can be the first step toward healing and building stronger connections.

1) Struggle with self-worth

A deep-seated belief of not being wanted can leave an indelible mark on a person’s self-perception. This often manifests as struggles with self-worth in adulthood.

According to psychology experts, children who feel unwanted may internalize this experience, leading to a belief that they are fundamentally unworthy of love and belonging.

This can be particularly damaging, as our sense of self-worth greatly influences how we live.

In adults, this can manifest in a variety of ways. Some may consistently seek validation from others, while others may sabotage their own success due to deep-rooted feelings of inadequacy.

They may question their own worthiness even in the face of praise or achievement.

These behaviors aren’t inherent flaws, but responses to early experiences.

By consciously choosing to challenge these limiting beliefs and seeking support when needed, individuals can begin to rewrite their narrative and reclaim their inherent worthiness.

2) Difficulty forming secure attachments

People who never felt wanted during their childhood may find it challenging to form secure and healthy attachments in their adult relationships.

Attachment theory, a cornerstone of psychological research, suggests that our early experiences with caregivers significantly shape our ability to form relationships later in life.

Those who felt unwanted as children often develop what’s called an ‘insecure attachment style.’ This could manifest as anxiety in relationships, fear of abandonment, or avoidance of intimacy.

On a personal note, I’ve observed this pattern not just in others but also in myself. It took years of self-awareness and inner work to understand how my childhood experiences influenced my relationship patterns.

In the words of psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

3) Hyper-vigilance and sensitivity to rejection

Growing up without feeling wanted often leads to a heightened sense of alertness or ‘hyper-vigilance’ in later life.

This can manifest as a heightened sensitivity to perceived threats, a constant state of anxiety, and an acute fear of rejection.

These people are always on the lookout for signs of disapproval or abandonment in their relationships.

While this trait may have served as a survival mechanism during a difficult childhood, it can become an exhausting and isolating way to live as an adult.

4) Avoidance of authentic relationships

One of the most profound ways in which feeling unwanted in childhood can affect an individual is through their approach to relationships.

For many, the fear of rejection, judgment, or abandonment can become so overwhelming that they avoid forming authentic connections altogether.

These people may find themselves hiding behind masks, pretending to be someone they’re not just to fit in or be accepted.

They may engage in superficial relationships, fearing that revealing their true selves will lead to rejection, as it did during their formative years. This is a lonely and limiting way to live.

However, we all have the capacity for change and growth. By confronting our fears and challenging our limiting beliefs, we can begin to cultivate genuine relationships based on mutual respect and empathy – a belief I hold dear.

5) Resistance to vulnerability

A common trait among those who didn’t feel wanted as children is a deep resistance to vulnerability.

They may view it as a sign of weakness, something to be avoided at all costs. After all, in their experience, opening up and showing their true selves wasn’t met with acceptance or love.

This avoidance of vulnerability can limit their capacity to form deep, meaningful relationships and prevent them from fully engaging with life.

It can also hinder personal growth, blocking the path to self-awareness and transformation.

Yet, as I often discuss, embracing our vulnerabilities is a radical act of courage. It involves acknowledging our fears and insecurities, rather than hiding from them.

It’s about owning our story and stepping into our truth – a belief that I deeply resonate with.

My video on “The Illusion of Happiness” explores this concept in depth. It challenges the popular notion that avoiding discomfort leads to happiness and argues for a more authentic approach to life:

True empowerment comes from embracing vulnerability and accepting our full selves – the good, the bad, and everything in between.

As the famous author and researcher Brené Brown puts it, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

6) Overcompensation through achievement

It may seem paradoxical, but those who never felt wanted as children often become high achievers in adulthood. This is usually an attempt to prove their worth and gain the acceptance they missed out on during their formative years.

They may excel in academics, sports, or climb the corporate ladder rapidly. On the surface, these achievements may appear impressive.

However, if they stem from a place of trying to compensate for a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness, it can lead to stress, burnout, and a relentless pursuit of perfection that’s never quite satisfied.

While achievement is not inherently negative, it becomes problematic when it’s disconnected from our deepest values and is driven by a need to prove our worth to others.

True prosperity aligns our financial decisions with our core values and uses our accomplishments as a tool for positive change.

7) Difficulty in expressing emotions

Emotional expression can be particularly challenging for those who never felt wanted as children.

They may have learned to suppress their feelings as a survival mechanism, believing that their emotions were unacceptable or would lead to further rejection.

In adulthood, this can result in a range of issues, from difficulty identifying and articulating feelings to a tendency to bottle up emotions until they explode.

It can also lead to problems in relationships, where emotional communication and vulnerability are key.

However, it’s important to remember that our emotions are not our enemies. They are signals, guiding us towards understanding our needs and desires.

Embracing our emotions can be an act of bravery, leading to more authentic relationships and a deeper connection with ourselves.

In one of my videos, I share an exercise featuring powerful questions designed to enhance self-love and improve your relationship with yourself – including your emotions.

Watching it might be a good starting point for those who struggle with emotional expression:

Transforming through understanding

The complexities of human behavior and our emotional landscape can often be traced back to our earliest experiences.

For those who never felt wanted as a child, these experiences may have shaped their adult lives in ways they never realized.

No matter how your journey began, you have the capacity for change and growth.

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