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One In Three Domestic Abuse Victims Is Male – Here’s Why We Need To Talk About Them
When you think about domestic violence, you probably imagine a tall, powerful man overpowering his female partner. This is the image that is usually shown in media, films and true crime documentaries. But it is not just men who commit violence and abuse in romantic relationships.
The documentary My Wife, My Abuser, which first premiered on Channel 5, recently shot to the top slot on Netflix. The film depicts the horrifying abuse Richard Spencer experienced from his wife over 20 years, while their three children looked on. Stories portraying women as perpetrators of domestic abuse are rarely highlighted in news coverage, making them particularly intriguing when they do appear.
I have been researching domestic violence perpetration for almost ten years. I’ve found that female abusers are just as capable as male abusers of hurting and humiliating their partners.
To be clear, I’m not talking about prevalence – worldwide, domestic violence is a problem that disproportionately affects women. But framing domestic violence as a problem that is perpetrated by men because they are men, misses important details that simultaneously perpetuates and obscures the experiences of some victims.
In England and Wales, approximately one in three victims of domestic abuse are male. An estimated 2.1% of men over the age of 16 experienced partner abuse in the year ending March 2023 (compared to 4% of women).
Women’s perpetration of intimate partner abuse is comparable to that of men’s in terms of its impact. For example, when male victims are asked about their experiences, they often describe harrowing abusive behaviour – being manipulated, isolated and coercively controlled. Some also describe severe physical abuse perpetrated with weapons.
Such abuse has been shown to have long-term physical and mental health implications for men that are similar to the patterns seen in female victims.
Uncommon cases
The perceptions of “typical” abuse can cloud the ways in which many scenarios are judged. When we ask research participants to judge otherwise identical scenarios about domestic violence, those describing men as the aggressor are judged as more serious than those with women as the aggressor. And women are infrequently labelled as perpetrators.
It is not just the gender of the perpetrator that is influenced by our own stereotypes, it is also age. Adolescent relationships can mirror patterns of abuse seen in adults. And yet, they too are left out of the conversation.
Several weeks ago, a 17-year-old was sentenced to life in prison for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, Holly Newton, committed when he was aged just 16, and Holly 15. This case prompted the government to look at changing the age that domestic abuse victims are recognised by law. Currently, the law only considers domestic abuse crimes if both victim and perpetrator are over 16.
A review of global estimates of adolescent dating violence has suggested that physical violence is experienced by 21% of youth regardless of gender. But it also found physical violence was more likely to be perpetrated by girls than boys (25% and 13% respectively). For sexual violence, teen boys were more likely to perpetrate than teen girls, and girls were more likely to be victims.
Changing the narrative
Historically, domestic abuse has solely been explained by notions of patriarchy, and the power and control that heterosexual men are assumed to hold over heterosexual women in relationships.
We are primed to see women as victims, and men as likely perpetrators. This means that when people are in relationships that break this model, we might not be as quick to spot problems, or to identify domestic abuse when it happens.
This makes certain victims invisible (such as men or women in same-sex relationships), increasing the risk that the violence and abuse in their relationships will not end. And it makes it harder for them to report abuse and access appropriate support.
A recent analysis of domestic homicide reviews where victims were male, found that professionals regularly missed opportunities to intervene because of gender-based stereotypes.
A view that domestic violence is only explained by patriarchy and gender roles can prevent us from tackling its root causes. A complex interplay of risk factors have been repeatedly shown to explain domestic abuse.
Trauma and adverse childhood experiences can shape unhealthy coping mechanisms and interpersonal patterns, contributing to abusive behaviour in relationships, even in adolescent dating.
Substance misuse exacerbates impulsivity and aggression, while mental health problems may impair judgement and exacerbate emotional volatility. Emotional dysregulation (the inability to manage emotions appropriately) and insecure attachment styles can manifest as controlling or violent behaviour in a relationship.
Ignoring these complex factors in favour of simple gender stereotypes is what makes it difficult for male victims to come forward and make themselves known to services, for fear of not being believed or being ridiculed.
Practitioners in the field frequently tell me that there are few services available to refer young adults to, and that male victims are not directed to victim support services. This may be either because they are not recognised as victims, or because there is a lack of services available to them. In some cases, male victims are even wrongfully arrested.
These views also make it difficult for women who are concerned about their own violent or abusive behaviour to come forward and seek opportunities to change. Indeed, across the UK, there are very few interventions available for women as perpetrators of domestic violence.
Inclusive support services that reflect the reality of domestic abuse are vital to ensure all victims receive the help they deserve, regardless of gender or age.
Acknowledging and validating the experiences of male victims doesn’t need to detract from supporting women and marginalised groups. Instead, it strengthens the fight against all domestic violence by promoting empathy and equality for all those who are affected by this crime.
If you or someone you know is affected by the issues discussed in this piece, you can get support from charities like Refuge, the Men’s advice line or ManKind.
Jennifer Mackay has previously received funding for research from the Home Office.
