“aitah For Telling A Plus-size Woman That I Love Being ‘skinny’?”

Say it with me, ‘It’s never okay to comment on other people’s bodies.’ Whether positive or negative, remarks on someone’s appearance can cause them to feel insecure and less confident about themselves. Since we don’t know what people are going through, it’s better to refrain from offering any observations on others’ looks. 

Unfortunately, this birthday guest didn’t get the memo. Every year during the celebration, she would meet a woman and comment on how skinny she was. Growing tired of receiving remarks on her appearance, the woman came up with a perfect reply, which shockingly earned her a slap on the face.

Whether positive or negative, it’s never okay to comment on someone else’s body

Image credits: pe_jo / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Unfortunately, this woman didn’t get the memo and caused quite the scene during a birthday party

Image credits: kues1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Heavenstobestie

57% of young people receive comments about their appearance at least once a week

Image credits: stockking / freepik (not the actual photo)

57% of young people receive comments about their appearance at least once a week. 76% of those who do worry about their looks just as frequently, the Verywell Mind survey suggests. This means that remarks related to our looks can disturb our self-image and make us think negatively about ourselves and our bodies. 

“It doesn’t have to be a negative comment for it to impact,” says registered dietitian nutritionist Nohemi Lopez. Any remark thrown a person’s way about their appearance reminds them that others are noticing their body and as a result, they may start looking for ways to make it look a certain way to gain societal approval. Such a way of thinking can have harmful consequences, increasing the risk of eating disorders and depression.

Unfortunately, too many people toss comments on other people’s appearance as if it were natural, genuinely meaning them with no awareness of why it might be harmful. “We live in such a weight-biased, fatphobic society that it bleeds into our [daily lives],” says licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jenna DiLossi. “It’s so a part of our culture that, without even realizing it, people do say things like that.”

These seemingly innocent comments can have very harmful consequences because we don’t know the reason behind how a person looks. The individual who lost or gained weight could be grieving, recovering from health issues, experiencing depression, or battling with an eating disorder. Reminding them of their struggles can make them feel even more self-conscious and stressed out. 

If you can’t find something nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all

Image credits: stockking / freepik (not the actual photo)

Instead of focusing on people’s physical appearance and making them feel conscious about it, we should move our attention to their character, talents, values, humor, and strength.

“Shifting the focus to personal qualities, achievements, or efforts instead of appearance can help foster a healthier self-image and reduce the risk of negative mental health effects,” said licensed therapist Ny’l Thompson. 

“Instead, we’re focusing on people being worthy because of who they are, not what they look like,” explains Chelsea Kronengold, communications lead at the National Eating Disorders Association.

Dr. Elizabeth Wassenaar, regional medical director at the Eating Recovery Center, also suggests replacing appearance-related words with verbs signifying action. For instance, “You look so happy when you’re doing that,” “I wish I could be there with you, joining you in that activity” or “Gosh, it looks like the sun is warm, and you’re really enjoying it.”

By making this change, a person is moving from judgment to taking the time to engage with others and the environment they’re in, fostering a connection and a better relationship with them. “It doesn’t have a thing to do with whether their body is acceptable to society or not,” Wassenaar said. 

Everything considered, we should all just try to stick by this rule: if you can’t find something nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all. 

Most readers believed that the original poster’s reply was justified

While some thought it was uncalled for