The sad reality is that many women have to deal with bizarre, disrespectful, and scary comments and ‘flirting’ attempts very often. When you get a genuine compliment, it can make your day and boost your confidence, but there is a time and a place for these sorts of comments. What, how, and when you say something is the difference between a person thanking you and them actually being weirded out.

Redditor u/shmashleyshmith sparked an intense discussion on the r/AskWomenOver30 online community after asking them to share the grossest ‘compliments’ men have ever given them. They are incredibly creepy and would make absolutely anyone feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Scroll down to read them, and if you’ve been in similar situations, share your experiences in the comments.

#1

I was at the gym when a creepy old man came up to my elliptical machine and motioned for me to remove my headphones. When I did he told me he “wants to wear my skin like a jumpsuit”. wtf. I left and never went back there again except to cancel my membership.

Image credits: bh8114

#2

He came up behind me, took a deep breath in my hair and groaned out "You smell like wife"

It was our second date.

Image credits: I-Really-Hate-Fish

#3

A guy asked me out in college and I said no and he responded with “why not go out with me anyway? No one else is interested in you right now”

My ex once told me I wasn’t his usual type because I don’t have an hourglass figure. I felt very unfeminine ever since.

Image credits: kingkemi

There are two core issues here. The first is that some men are overtly toxic. They’re malicious, overly aggressive, have no respect for boundaries, and cannot take ‘no’ for an answer. They deal with rejection very badly and try to get what they want by pressuring others into uncomfortable situations.

These individuals need a lot of introspection and maybe the help of a therapist to see how their behavior affects others and why this isn’t acceptable in a civilized society. It’s possible that they lack empathy or that they haven’t ever been called out on their actions in public.

As per WebMD, there are a few main indicators of toxic masculinity. Toxic men tend to be homophobic, have a need for control, want to assert their power, and are very promiscuous. What’s more, they tend to avoid household chores, are prone to risky behaviors, avoid showing their emotions, and are violent in order to show their dominance of the situation.

#4

That my hair looks like a dead squirrel he saw in the forest, he meant it as a compliment ?.

Image credits: bukurika

#5

Not a pick up line but my abusive ex said (twice) “bippity boppity, women are property” and that gave me a huge ick both times he said it. I called him out on it too. So glad I broke up with him, he’s gross.

Image credits: NurtureAlways

#6

When I was in college, a guy sidled up to me in the dining hall line and said, 'I’ve always liked blondes. Maybe it’s because my mother is blonde.'

Image credits: dorothea63

The other issue is that some people are, well, genuinely unaware that their behavior is problematic. It’s a question of poor self-awareness. Essentially, some men are socially inept, have very little experience with flirting, and don’t understand how their comments can come across as weird.

They might have ‘good’ intentions (or not), but their execution is so bad that it pushes others away. Most people have been in situations where they make a stupid comment. It’s embarrassing. It’s awkward. But you embrace your mistake and you learn from your failure, mainly so that you don’t make these sorts of weird comments ever again because they scare people.

#7

During a job interview:

"And what would you... *wear*... to this job if you were hired?"

It was more the way he said it. But I should have left right there and then.

Image credits: Sweeper1985

#8

My aunt once went on a date with a guy who told her “ you have the most beautiful eye color, it reminds me of diarrhea.” (Her eyes are a green hazel color).

Image credits: rainingpouring17

#9

When I was a teenager I was taking a walk in my neighborhood and a much older guy walked by and said, "I want to drink your bath water" with a serious expression on his face. I've never felt so disturbed and creeped out by a random "flirtation" in my life.

Image credits: loveandmayhem

Everyday Feminism explains that if you want to be respectful of other people’s boundaries while approaching someone, you should keep their body language in mind. For example, if a woman is reading a book or has her headphones on while on the bus, on the train, etc., it’s likely that she wants to be left alone.

Some women might smile or act polite when approached because they’re nervous or scared, so you shouldn’t automatically assume that they want to continue their interaction with you. So, body language isn’t everything; you need to really listen to what they’re saying in your conversation, too. If you ask for the woman’s number and she says ‘no,’ take the rejection and move on with your life. It’s creepy to be pushy or to pressure someone past this point.

#10

An ex once said to me “if I could, I’d get you that surgery where they break your shins to make you taller bc I like everything else about the way you look!” (I was wearing very high platform heels)

& I was like ok so you’d mutilate my body to make me more like your idealized version of me?

…happy to report I dumped him a few weeks later.

Image credits: narfchunx

#11

I am a tall woman. I am 6 feet tall.(183 cm)

A man came up to me and kept commenting on how tall I was. I was very clear I didn't want my height to be the topic of the conversation but he just did not get it. He kept going on and on about how beautiful I was and how long my legs were and how wonderful it was to find a woman who was as tall as me. Then he leans back to his friend and under his breath says "man, I'm going to climb that mountain" thinking that only his friend could hear him.

I told him that this mountain's a lot like Everest and he would likely die if he tried to climb me. I said it with a straight face, psychopath eyes. He got scared and wandered off.

Image credits: shmashleyshmith

#12

You have 9/10 of the physical attributes I want in a woman. Just grow your hair out and you will be my 10/10.

Crusty a*s.

Image credits: FluffyGur2924

Some other common sense things to avoid doing (remember, common sense isn’t common) include not staring at women and not following them. You also should never assume that someone will like you romantically just because you’re being respectful and ‘nice.’

Being respectful is a fundamental part of interactions with other people, it’s not something special. You are not ‘owed’ romantic attraction because you treat someone like a decent human being, Everyday Feminist writes.

#13

"You'd be so hot if you didn't open your mouth".

Image credits: MissSweetPotatoHead

#14

Not me, but I saw this guy on TikTok using the demure trend saying “look how I wife up my little immigrant before her visa expires”. I checked his profile and he’s referred to her as “his little immigrant” multiple times. This is actually highly offensive, you can tell he’s probably racist, and I’m more surprised that the comments find this “cute” instead of alarming. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up abusive.

For reference: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe3aKFy3/.

Image credits: bluetopaz22

#15

I have red hair and I think I was in middle school, maybe 12? And some old man stopped me on my way into a pizza place with friends to ask “does the carpet match the drapes”.

I remember being so confused and once he left had to ask my friend what that meant.

Image credits: EstellaAnarion

#16

I have big [breasts]. I was traveling in Europe with a group of friends, and was standing at the train ticket machine with just one guy friend. A local rando walked up to us, and in broken English, while miming big [breasts] with his hands, congratulated my friend for dating me (we were very much not dating). This weirded me out on multiple levels.

Image credits: lionbaby917

#17

I was talking to a man I’d just met in Alaska. It was pleasant and he seemed interesting. I mentioned I was thinking about going to welding school and he got this glazed look on his face, looked off into the distance and said wistfully, “Motherhood is so beautiful.”

It was just so weird! I’ve never forgotten about it.

#18

“You look overanxious and undersexed. I would f**k you like a hyena.”

I was 21. He was a grown-a*s professional in his forties who ought to know better at a conference hosted by my college professor. I am fairly sure he was drunk.

When I acted taken aback he said, “You’re such a good girl, if I had a daughter I’d want her to be like you.”

I replied calmly, “Over anxious and under sexed?”

And he screamed I was a f*****g b***h and stormed off. A very nice Brazilian man — a perfect stranger — had noticed how weird the interaction was and protectively drew near, followed by a Canadian woman who chewed the gross man out for chasing college students. Brazilian guy actually delayed requesting his taxi (ah the pre-Uber days) to make sure I was okay.

Image credits: JemAndTheBananagrams

#19

‘You’re not like other girls’ aaand I’m out.

Image credits: putapadrino

#20

"You've got the cuteness of a woman and the humor of a man."

Honey, I'm EVERY WOMAN. IT'S ALL IN ME. I learned it from Chaka Khan.

Image credits: hankhillism

#21

Had a client, who was not old just much older than myself, who called me "quietly sensual." I wanted to run so hard I would end up in another dimension. There was also a lot more of these comments over the course of 3 days until he wasn't a client anymore but that one was the grossest.

Image credits: allhailqueenspinoodi

#22

When I was 19 there was a bar in my town called the Lucky Lady. It was pretty easy for underage girls to get in there (and any other bar in my town for that matter). One weekend the local TV meteorologist who easily had 20 years on me and was married with kids, walks up to me and starts a seemingly harmless conversation and asks if I’d like a drink since he’s ordering one anyway. Free drink? Sure! I accept and after he hands it to me, he looks me up and down and says “There’s a 100% chance of me getting some p**sy tonight”. ?.

Image credits: jeidibe

#23

I have heard... May I use your thighs as earmuffs? As a ''pickup line" from a stranger from a dating app on first conversation.
Another guy in the first conversation said.. I want to kiss your vertical lips. Instantly unmatched.

My gay/ asexual ex husband used to say.. I can spend the rest of my life with just your head. I don't need a body.

That explained a lot after I married him. Happily divorced. ?.

Image credits: theanimalfairy94

#24

“You’ve got those tiny, little girl wrists. So hot.”.

Image credits: Lynncy1

#25

I was 14. I was diagnosed with an illness that causes joint Hypermobility and seeing an orthopaedic surgeon about some ankle problems. He explained that this made me a “bad candidate for surgery, but fantastic at having babies.” He WINKED when he said it. My Mum was present and I was safe etc but it was so gross.

Image credits: LizeLies

#26

I’m a natural redhead. I’ve been getting the “you must be wild” probably since around 12.

MOST recently I had an 80 year old man tell me that he had red hair, but none on his head ? like sir, why would you ever feel so comfortable to tell anyone that, let alone the receptionist at your wife’s physical therapy clinic, who didn’t f*****g ask.

Image credits: redsmyfavcolor333

#27

A guy I dated told me I was like a "dude with a vagina" and he meant it as a compliment. Like I was better than regular women because I was like a dude. He managed to put down women in general while also calling me mannish.

I did not take it as a compliment. I instantly felt gross and unfeminine.

Note: I 100% support trans men and non binary people, but I am a cis woman and when I was told that I felt very dysphoric since I am cis.

Image credits: blue_effect

#28

A guy who I did NOT know in college (my friend bought weed from him/hooked up with him) called me “the one who got away” because I was “always sexual” (again, I did not know this man). He told me he could “unhinge his jaw and make it vibrate” which was apparently his great oral sex move. I am still scarred and have so many questions. What a creepy thing to say and a horrible mental image!

Image credits: whowearstshirts

#29

I was a waitress. A customer said “You are gorgeous. I could go to jail just for looking at you. Are you even old enough to work here?” Me doing my job laughing and telling him that I was 21. Him: “wow! I thought you were 15”. So disgusting!

Image credits: MaroonChase

#30

A patient once tried to guess my ethnicity, when I told him I was Indian he goes “Ooohh I’ve never been with an Indian woman before.”

Told him off and then after that I only had my male colleague deal with him, he wasn’t happy that his flirting didn’t work.

#31

Plenty of gross things, but one that still annoys and makes me laugh
“You’re oddly attractive”
Wtf dude.

#32

A married man at work was trying to come on to me. He asked if I wanted to see the spreadsheet he made that compared pros and cons between me and his wife.

#33

I used to work with a guy who openly flirted me to the point it was clear he had a crush on me. He kept saying how young I looked, which I did then, but I was 30 so figure he thought 20 something. One day he blurted out admiringly how I look the same age as his daughter.

His daughter at the time was 15.

Image credits: vectorology

#34

I worked as a receptionist and I was up getting paperwork when one of the regulars caught me walking by. I was always very cheerful and pleasant with this older gentleman. He reached out to shake my hand and then pulled me close, he whispered in my ear “you’re the jelly filling to my doughnut!”

I had a guy in college, friend of a friend, was a bit of a player, he told my roommate to tell me “he likes my thick thighs.” I hadn’t even spoken to this dude, we just ran in slightly the same circle and ended up at the same party. He really thought I was gonna be all over him after that. Dude thought he had mad game.

#35

At 13, I was in a d**g store in the infamous military town of Fayetteville, N.C. I had a womanly, big boob silhouette despite my age. A military guy in camo called out while walking towards me, paraphrasing, "Closing in on subject. Target acquired. Target performing evasive action." That last was while I was walking away to find my mom. I was freaked out. He gave up when I found her.

At 16, my supervisor at the public service internship required for high school graduation, talked about my tight pants and that his wife was prettier than me. (Implying I would be lucky if he screwed me.) He was a muscled, over 30 firefighter and we were in a small room together. Sexual harassment 101. I responded with stonefaced silence and eyebrows of doom.

#36

“I would eat a mile of s**t just to wake up next to you!” Grossest and most memorable.

#37

He said he liked the way I looked in bed, then followed it up by saying “it always looks like you’re in pain”.

#38

I was 13 years old in the check out line buying a soda. A man is behind me & says to me, "Wow, you have nice birthing hips." ?.

#39

A line that is forever etched in my memory from when I was 17 (omg, that’s now 35 years ago!!) was from this sweet guy who while holding my hand told me my hands reminded him of his grandmother’s hands. It was supposed to be endearing I suppose but eww, such a turn-off!

Once a dude told me not to refer to his d**k as a penis. “It’s a c**k!” he shouted. Gross. I really didn’t want to talk about it or touch it anyway.

#40

He was married, and he said, 'I can treat you better as my number two than any man would treat you as their number one.' I legit threw my drink on his face which got on his satin shirt, probably ruining it, and walked away. I was so offended.

#41

When I was in sixth grade, I was in the back of the classroom getting a folder out of my backpack, and I guess one of the boys followed me. We were not talking or anything prior to this happening, but he just looked right at me and said, 'I want to lick you clean.' I was so caught off guard, that I just stared at him blankly until he went back to his desk. It was so weird and so gross, especially for how young we were. I thought he was dared to do it by his friends to tease me or something. I went home and asked my older sister what that meant, and she was horrified.

#42

When my dad told me he wants to find a woman with my body, who looks like me.

#43

I can't recall anything that gross re. me personally, but I did once witness a male classmate hit on a woman at a bar by pretending he was a cancer survivor in order to capitalise on her grief over her mum's recent passing by cancer. He came back to our table after getting her number and was gleefully recounting all the details of how he'd lied to her and preyed on her vulnerability, like this was just the funniest story ever and wasn't he just *so* clever? Sadly, he *did* end up getting her number / into her pants, before eventually ghosting her after "conquest".   


Yeah, he was not a good egg. I'm not someone who throws around the word "sociopath" easily but I've honestly always wondered about him. I guess all my own experiences of creepiness pale in comparison to that one that I suffered indirectly.

#44

“When I get back from having a s**t, do you fancy a dance?”. When I said no, he replied with, “but I’ll wash my hands!”. Still no.

#45

As I bent over to unhook some cables at work, “yeah, that’s exactly how you were in my dream last night” (bent over).

I did have a man tell me once that I’m “burning up the world in that dress” - at a grocery store while wearing a fire engine red summer dress with my daughter. It wasn’t appropriate but I actually liked this one so I’m on the fence here.

Image credits: Repulsive_Science254

#46

"I don't normally go for girls with unnatural coloured hair but go on, you'll do"

It's not even that bad in the grand scheme of things, but it's still so dismissive and insulting. This was back in the dark days of Plenty of Fish, and part of his opening message in which he also uses a version of my name that names me cringe and purposefully misnamed the sport I had featured in my photos. Like, what was he even expecting?

I wrote back that negging is childish and that he would not do then blocked him.

ETA: Oh there was also the gentleman who came in for advice in my job, was lovely while speaking to me, pointed out his wife and grandkids in the cafe opposite, and then later sent an email to confirm a few bits and thank me for help, which he ended with 'Ps that skirt was lovely, if I were only a decade younger...'. a decade younger he would have still been older than my Dad. That one got passed up to my supervisor to deal with.

#47

Some random guy came up to me and asked if I had any children and obviously I said no. He asked if I wanted one. I said no I have a boyfriend(which I didn't so I lied ) and took off. So creepy approach.

#48

A guy I’d been dating for many months who wasn’t all that in the looks department messaged me saying “you’re a 9, you’d be a 10 if you had a tan”. Coming from someone who was maybe a strong 2 it was pretty f’ing cheeky. I never once commented on his looks.

Being told by an ex partner that I should “dye my hair blonde, get a whole new wardrobe make over and a tan”

Being told by an ex situaitonship that I should get a nose ring and a new wardrobe.

Being told by another guy that I should get a tan……

Being told by a partner I’m not conventionally attractive.

So as you can see, I like dating guys who I’m not good enough for ?.

#49

I’ve gotten an Instagram DM before saying, “you have beautiful epicanthic folds.” (I’m Asian.).

#50

I was just talking to a guy, I didn’t really have any intention on ever getting with him but he was pursuing me.
He then asked about my body count, but in a very convoluted way.

He basically said that it’s okay, he’s open-minded and he “forgives me” for my past, all that matters is that he’s here now. I think he genuinely thought he was being open-minded and nice but the implication that my sexual past was something I needed to be forgiven for & ashamed of was disgusting.
I told him off and ghosted.

#51

“You’re really blossoming” - a random guy in my work place said that to me while I was pregnant. He tried to hit on me a lot when I was pregnant, but that was the grossest thing he said to me.

#52

“Do you shave?” Right out of the gate.

#53

Talking about his preference for plus size women, which I am:

“For some f****d up reason, I’m really attracted to you”.

I was having my hot girl summer at that point and had a ton of confidence. But most of the men I briefly dated seemed to really want to reassure me about the fact that they were indeed attracted to fat women.

I didn’t ask, I wasn’t even questioning it - my dating profile had up to date pictures and I looked great. I didn’t think you needed a “f****d up reason” to be attracted to me, Kevin ?.

#54

A guy at a bar told me my lips were made for b**w jobs. ? I felt uncomfortable but since I was 20 and very naive, I just giggled.

#55

I was working as a cashier. I was checking some dude out and asked him if he needed anything else and he said “yeah, your number.” I politely declined and told him I had a boyfriend, to which he replied “So? I’ll make you forget him.”

I told him no more firmly and he called me a racist.

#56

Right before we’re about to have s*x (like literally naked in his bed) he goes “wow, you have the body of a black guys girlfriend.” we’re both white. fastest i’ve ever put my clothes back on.

#57

Also a teenager. Had a job at a little deli/restaurant. I was biting my lip in concentration trying to remember something. My grown-a*s male boss said, "don't bite your lip like that, you don't know where it's been."

Also, my second job ever after college, I joined a gym with my new salary. My female boss asked me one day, "are you losing weight?" I said "I don't know, maybe." She said, "why?" in a nasty mean girl way.

F**k entitled managers.

#58

Context, I am tall. "Can I wear my high heels, will you then dance with me?" PUKE.

#59

"I wanna come out of your room and tell your dad you're not a virgin anymore."

Like... I can't. If it was just social awkwardness or an extremely bad joke that didn't land it'd be one thing, but this felt so personal and cutting. It had this undertone of ownership or something to it that I did not like at all. I had confided something personal and it was just *used* as a disgusting quip. I hate it. It hurts more than anything, honestly.

The same goes for "it only takes one joke to get you in bed." It's just this attitude of like... I don't even know. I'll keep working you until something sticks, and it's so hurtful. It's so f*****g hurtful still. I'm not something to work on or something to trick to f**k. This concept of s*x taking precedence over everything ruined a very special friendship that I had. I never really got over it, honestly.

#60

SEVERAL men have told me, when they find out I teach teenagers, say “Oh, I bet they LOVE your class. Do your students ever hit on you? I would have.”
These are KIDS you psycho.

#61

Not gross exactly but very wrong: "you don't look like a scientist".

#62

I was dating this guy in my early 20s and he said jokingly “you know if I take you to my family bbq, you’d stick out like a sore thumb. Thats why I date asians and not brown girls”. He was white and Im south asian. Had to unpack that for a while.

#63

A guy I was chatting and sharing pictures with said my crotch looked good in one of the photos. It was a photo of me in a jumpsuit at a wedding.

#64

I was seeing a guy that I was on the fence about. He was fun and I thought he was cute but every time we hungout he got drunk and tried to have a "what are we?" convo when I told him in the beginning I didn't want anything serious. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was just drunk... Until he met my friends for the first time. Idk how we got on the topic of eye color but he said, in front of everyone, that my eyes were "S**t brown" in an effort to be funny I guess? My friends were bewildered, as was I lol. Lost all interest in him that night.

#65

Years ago, but I will never forget it: "I just want you to know that you're giving these light skin girls a run for their money". He was basically saying I'm pretty for a dark skin girl. ? He would see me almost daily at work and barely acknowledged me. But that day he literally ran to stop the elevator I was on just to give me that "compliment". So insane.

#66

I'm Black and this guy was white. I turned him down and he no kidding responded, "I know you want some light skinned babies".

#67

I was working at a grocery store, I was about sixteen or seventeen, and the greeter, an older man, maybe in his late fifties, told me I looked "just like his third wife". I asked him how many times he'd been married, and he responded "twice". He also brought this weird leather bracelet/cuff thing to work and asked me to wear it because he said he wanted to remember how I smelled.

Another man asked me to stop wearing deodorant, because the smell of me was giving him b**ers.

#68

When I was 15 years old and working at Subway, I asked a customer, who was a middle-aged man, what condiments he wanted on his sandwich. He replied, 'Mustard...and you