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Oh Thank Goodness, The Fortnite Rumors Are True And Mariah Carey Is Here As A... 10-foot-tall Christmas Goddess From Space?
Fortnite just affirmed whispers of a Mariah Carey collaboration with a trailer that reveals the singer as a beautiful Christmas alien the size of a small office building.
In the trailer, Carey crashes down from the aurora borealis in a tube of light. She emerges and immediately crushes a stray corn on the cob with her giant leather platform boots (does she hate corn?) while being trailed by Snoop Dogg in his festive new Santa Dogg outfit.
In case reading those lines didn't already make you feel like you're in a fever dream, I'll tell you what happens next: as Carey towers over fan-favorite Fortnite characters like Fishstick and Doggo, Carey points her finger and transforms everything she sees into its most jingle-jangly, Christmas version of itself, right on time for the battle royale's annual Winterfest holiday event.
"GOOD LORD!" says one popular comment under Fortnite's trailer on YouTube. "SHE'S EVEN INVADED FORTNITE! SHE'S BECOME TOO POWERFUL!!"
Like the commenter, I fear the scope of Carey's omnipotence, and I pray for the day that her strained performance of "All I Want for Christmas Is You" at the televised Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting in 2014 one day unsticks from my head.
If that never happens, I'm at least grateful that Carey has taken the time to drop into Fortnite from her distant galaxy to save the game from the Skibidi Toilet backpack it recently added. Unlike that flushable piece of base humor, Carey enters Fortnite as an NPC who sings like an angelic dolphin, and also as an emote that's covered in glitter. Now that's class!
