Your Highness Got Us Looking So Crazy Right Now

Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

His Royal Highness and man cursed with dry pens King Charles III is now also a DJ. He shared his own playlist of pop songs. Some of them are even from this century!

Say what you will about the royal family, but they have an amazing talent for tactfully celebrating their colonizing past every Commonwealth Day.

(For the record: Declassified is a passionate TV-royalist, which means supporting any royal family, as long as they sacrifice their eldest child to appear on a trashy reality show at least once a decade. Check out Emanuele Filiberto di Savoia winning Italy’s “Dancing with the Stars” in 2009 if you need inspiration, Charlie.)

This year in particular, the musical initiative is welcomed by anyone who needs a distraction from whatever type of hell is currently being broadcast by 24-hour news channels.

Monday was the world’s premiere of King Charles’ new radio show: The King’s Music Room. The title alone is proof that the monarch is a true man of the people: Who doesn’t have a room solely dedicated to listening to music these days? It’s usually the one on the ground floor of our mansions, next to the library, ça va sans dire.

But despite the out-of-touchness of a 76-year-old billionaire who received a tax-free inheritance from his mother and owns a multimillion-pound real estate portfolio, the temptation to check out the royal playlist is irresistible. Even with POLITICO Towers’ refusal to pay for an Apple Music subscription — as apparently this doesn’t qualify as “investigative reporting.” Agree to disagree.

From King Charles’ sausage fingers tap-dancing to Kylie Minogue’s “Loco-motion” to his tribute to Bob Marley & The Wailers’ “Could You Be Loved,” there is a lot to unpack, though one edition of this column is not enough to cover it all. If any Freudian pseudo-therapist wants to send in their thoughts anyway, please do.

But what makes this playlist truly magical is a salute to another, more powerful royal with a larger following: Her Majesty the Queen of pretty much everything, Beyoncé. I guess there is something the king has in common with his subjects after all.

Picture it: Fancy music room, Buckingham Palace, 2025. Charles III’s pen ran out of ink again; he’s upset. He puts on a record: “Crazy in Love.” Beyonce sings, he dances, Jay-Z raps, and all is well with the world again.