(throwaway) Aita For Taking My Daughter's College Fund Back After She Said She Was Going No-contact?

A bit of background: I (45F) am a single mom of two kids, Ella (18F) and Jake (16M). My husband died when the kids were young, and I’ve worked extremely hard to support them both emotionally and financially. My husband left behind a life insurance policy, and I’ve been saving part of that money for their college education.

Since she was a little girl, Ella has always dreamed of going to a prestigious college. We’ve had many talks about how important education is, and I made sure she knew that the fund I was building for her and Jake was specifically for their education. I wasn’t able to afford luxuries like vacations or new cars, but I wanted to make sure they wouldn’t be burdened with student loans.

Recently, though, things have become strained with Ella. She started dating a guy "Matt" (19M) a few months ago, and I feel like her personality has completely changed since. She’s become distant, rude, and dismissive of anything I say. She’s said hurtful things like I "smother her" or "treat her like a child." I’ve tried giving her space, but last week, during a particularly bad argument, she said she was going no-contact with me once she went to college and would never look back.

I was devastated. After everything I sacrificed, to hear that she’d cut me out was heartbreaking. I didn't want to react out of emotion, so I waited a few days to cool off, but eventually, I made the decision that if she truly wanted nothing to do with me, then I wasn’t going to fund her education. I told her if she’s planning to go no-contact with me after college, she should consider her fund off the table, and I’d split it between Jake and myself for other things. She exploded, calling me vindictive, manipulative, and selfish. She thinks I’m trying to control her by dangling the money over her head.

I’ve talked to a few friends about this, and reactions have been mixed. Some say I’m within my rights because the money is mine and I can do with it what I see fit. Others say that I’m punishing her for her feelings and that I’m being controlling by using the money as leverage.

So, AITA for taking back my daughter’s college fund after she said she was going no-contact with me?