[ma, Usa] Seeking Next Steps On Establishing Child Custody And No Idea Where To Begin. I'm Desperate To Protect Her! Please Help Guide Me.

I (30F) am at a complete loss where to start or what to do. I need to do right by my child. Here is the background and what brought me to this point of desperation:

I had a daughter in 2018 that is turning 7 soon. Her father and I were not married, and by the time our daughter was 6 months old we were not together and living separate. He was present for the birth and signed the birth certificate at the hospital.

We have never sought any arrangement through the court, and I have let her go with him every weekend since splitting. There was a brief period of turmoil when we first broke up that resulting in me getting a temporary restraining order. He has a problem with alcohol and ultimately it's what led to the demise of our relationship. He didn't see her for a week during that time, but swore he would pull himself together. His family has always helped him out of any financial or legal trouble.

Since my daughter was 2, I have been in a committed relationship with her soon-to-be stepfather. She doesn't remember a time without him and I living/being together.

My fiancé has watched the emotional pain my ex has caused me over the last few years and we've absolutely had it with the way he "cares" for her during their time together. I've always been petrified to get the court system involved because he had said if I ever did he would threaten to do everything he could to gain custody.

2 years ago, my fiancé and I asked my ex to civilly to sit down and discuss concerns we had about our daughter. He refused multiple times. Said he'd only talk to me alone- most likely because he knows I would crumble and not being able to stand up for myself easily. I have been way too nice and forgiving this whole time in hopes he would change and grow up for our daughters sake.

Over the past few years, here's a brief description of some of what I've dealt with:

• He's still drinking, he sleeps in the same bed as her still, and wets himself. This has been confirmed by my daughter as still happening. This is something he used to do when we were together- 7 years ago! I suspected it was due to his intake of alcohol, but now he says he drinks way less, yet it still happens...
• He was fired/let go from his last 3 HVAC jobs, and one company was for suspected drinking in the car.
• The biggest problem he has is he lies about EVERYTHING. I can't sort of what's true or not true and often have to find things out through my daughter.
  • He recently told me he was on FPML for a Uti, and his story didn't make sense. Fast forward a few weeks and he now jobless again and never actually was on FPML.
• He does not pay child support. He's never got any money. His dad briefly forced him to pay me $100 dollars a month about 2 years ago, but he only sustained that for about 4-5 months.
• She comes home in dirty clothes, that are too small. (3T training underwear, and size 4T pants this week)- our daughter has been potty trained for YEARS- she's been wearing regular underwear for years.
• She has no bedtime at his house.
• They sleep together on the couch or in his bed.
• He smokes cigarettes in the car with her. I have asked him not to do this. He said he doesn't. My daughter says he does.
  • He will literally lie about anything if it makes his life easier.
• He likes to have sleepovers at his moms trailer on weekends and at his best friends house. She often gets carted around all weekend and he never brings a toothbrush or change of clothes for her.
• He's always late and very unreliable.
• When things don't go his way he gets mean and threatening. He's nice when he needs something. He's a wonderful manipulator.

These are just a snapshot. I do not feel he is a fit parent. It's not a lack of love- he loves her- but he is selfish and doesn't know how to put her first.

My only goal is to protect her from a safety standpoint and hold him accountable for the basic things.

The problem is...

I have no idea what my legal rights are with my daughter as the mother with him on the birth certificate. He says I do not have a right to not let him see her. He says because he signed the birth certificate he's her dad and we have to make all decisions together. If there's nothing but a birth certificate- how does the state of Mass view this? If I wanted to go to court- what would I even being filing for? I would like a court ordered scheduled that holds him accountable. I do not care about the child support. It's never been about money. I just need to know she's safe with him and he has made bad choice after bad choice, I want to have someone on my side that will step in. What would happen if I just didn't send her one weekend? Could he call the police? (He's threatened this) I'm happy to contact a lawyer if that's the direction I should be going. but I am honestly so overwhelmed and at a total loss as to what the best thing to do is.

I know this is a long post and doesn't even have all the detail I could add. I appreciate any and all the help I can get. My daughter deserves better and I know I need to stop being scared of his empty threats and do something.