Hi All Looking For Advice On A Roommate Issue!
Hi everyone,
I’m in a very difficult living situation, and I could really use some advice. For context, I’m 20 years old, and my roommate is 24. I moved out of our apartment in August (officially in November), but my name is still on the lease, and my parents have been paying rent for me since then. My roommate has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and this has added complexity to the situation.
Here’s where things stand: 1. Subletter Issue: My roommate told me she had arranged for a subletter to move into my room. My room was packed up and empty, so it seemed like everything was ready for someone to move in. However, the subletter apparently never showed up. When my parents pressed her for details, she got snappy with them and wouldn’t share much information. This has made us wonder whether someone might actually be living there and paying her rent, potentially allowing her to live rent-free while my parents and this possible subletter cover the costs. 2. Hospitalization & Behavior: My roommate was in the hospital for a few months, and during that time, my parents agreed to cover her rent until she got out. She was discharged earlier than expected and has been getting drunk every weekend since then. However, I have no idea if she’s started looking for a new roommate or even reached out to the real estate agent as she said she would. 3. Fear of Confrontation: I’m autistic and deeply afraid of confrontation, which has made this process even harder. Confrontation is something my roommate has used against me throughout much of our friendship, and I’ve grown too intimidated to even reach out to her. She hasn’t been very nice to me or my mother during this process either, even getting snippy with my mum, which has added to my anxiety. 4. Ongoing Responsibilities: Despite not living there, I’ve still been paying for utilities, even though I haven’t been using them. I also tried to help find a new roommate to speed up the process, but my roommate insists on handling it herself, which has caused significant delays. 5. Possible Lease Violations: If it turns out someone is subletting without the landlord’s approval or that my roommate isn’t paying rent, I’m concerned about what could happen. Could she get evicted? Could this negatively affect me legally or financially? 6. Power Imbalance: I feel there’s a significant power imbalance because of our age difference (I’m 20 and she’s 24), and I’m the one stepping up to handle everything. It’s incredibly frustrating and overwhelming. 7. Next Steps: I plan to contact the real estate agent after their holiday close period (ending January 13th). If I don’t hear anything from my roommate by then, I’ll: • Ask the real estate if my roommate has been in touch. • Request that they check if someone is living in the apartment without approval. • Ask them to act as a mediator between us, as I feel intimidated by my roommate. 8. My Mental Health: I was diagnosed with autism in July and am waiting for NDIS support. This situation has been incredibly stressful, and I’m trying to figure out how to protect myself while staying within my legal rights.
Questions: • Has anyone dealt with a similar situation where a roommate with BPD might be subletting without permission? • Can I legally have my name removed from the lease if my roommate doesn’t cooperate? • What can I do to protect myself financially and legally in this situation? • How do I address the utility payments, considering I’m not using them?
Any advice, insight, or support would be greatly appreciated. This situation has been a nightmare, and I’m trying my best to stay proactive.
Thanks in advance for your help!
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