My Almost Two Year Old Son Was Taken To The Us By His Mom And I’m Lost

VA/International

Hi y’all, I started out writing this, thinking I would somehow be able to explain this in a few short paragraphs. I can’t. There’s too many details in the picture that I wonder if are relevant. So first;

TL;DR: My ex girlfriend took our then 8 month old son for a work trip to the US from our home in Germany before I could get on his birth certificate, and never returned. I want to pursue my fatherly rights in the US court system. I am a Norwegian national.

My ex and I met in 2020, and after her becoming pregnant, we were slated to move together and raise our son, despite her coming out of a marriage and being in a divorce process. For different reasons regarding her ex, she never moved in, and three months after the child is born, I find out he is the result of a one night stand between her and her ex. I still wanted to be the boy’s father, but after another year of her still not moving in, and still in the midst of a divorce, we broke up. A few months, a finalized divorce, and a weak moment later she is again pregnant, now for sure with my baby. After a bit of back and forth, we end up finally moving together mere weeks before my son’s arrival to the world, in early 2023.

So my ex and I had a rough time moving together, trying to raise a two year old and care for a baby with no parental leave and inflated living costs in a big city. We could not get along. After 8 months, what was supposed to be a two month work trip ended up with her moving permanently with our son and his half brother to her home state Virginia. And this before we could even get the birth certificate changed to include my name.

Why was I not on his birth certificate to begin with you ask? Well as a Norwegian national living in Germany, the local authorities demanded I provide a copy of my birth certificate when he was born, to be able to claim my son as mine. My parents had apparently misplaced this certificate, and the process of getting a new copy from Norway took three months. In the meantime, German authorities were somehow still not informed of the finalization of my ex’s divorce, which had occurred a couple months before my son’s conception. So, by default pretty much, my son’s birth certificate now has her ex husbands name on it. He is refusing to help change this, because he apparently volunteered this information in his visa application, and is now scared to get in trouble if this information changes. He moved to the US on a work visa to be closer to his son, my son’s older brother.

What are my options here really, and what level of cost is usually involved in these types of cases when it comes to legal fees alone? I realize I cannot pursue this in any court on my continent, and I’m wondering if they will even hear my case in a US court if I am not even a resident, and basically have no official paperwork to support my case to start with? I am his actual father and have personally performed DNA tests to know that - could DNA be used as a way to prove my relationship with him in a court case?

I know it’s not going to be easy or cheap.. but I refuse to just roll over and let my son grow up without his father. He deserves better than that. I don’t want to take him away from her, I just want to be able to be there to protect him. It’s become my mission in life.

Just hoping that someone can give me an idea of what challenges I ought to be aware of, that are not immediately apparent. Thank you all so much for any and all points you can offer.